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i willfulling enter this life style. i didnt really know what it meant i guess. but now from this point of view i understand what i had. now within the last five months i have lost 9 of what i now consider very good and dear friends. i am in the marine corp and before this, yes i have lost my share of those close to me.

but picture this. you sleep, work, eat, drink, play together. no granted i havent know them but 3 years now, but with the time shared, you become as close as you would a brother, mother, father, wife, or girl/boy friend. i dont think you can begin to describe the pain that is involved with losing someone so close. and 9 at that.

my life seems so minasule right now. all the anger, and discontent for the little things. the irration i have for not having enough money, for not being what i wanted to be by now. to not have the girl in my life that i wanted. i feel as though i should be ashamed of myself. to be so uncontent at just being alive. especially with the life i chose to live. in this life, you live and you kill. that is it. those you are close to live and kill along side of you..... you train to die and to kill. to work as a team, but to never cope with those you will lose.

i just hope that those who live in this free country, especially those who hate the military. i hope they know that we are fighting for you........ and in fighting for you, if and/or when we are killed that not only are we dieing for the cause of your freedom. we are also dieing and leaving behind family we grew up with, and leaving behind the family we made, that is so close they are all consider brothers and sisters. and i mean this, i know you have heard people in the military refer to each other as brothers and sisters. and before this last 5 months it never really hit me. but now i know. you try living together for 3 years as i said and see how close you get with someone. now try doing that with a hundred plus people and have to go through what i have........have you had the world crash around you so many times in a row? and all this to protect your freedom. to let you live without threat of dieing from some foreign discontent and unreasoned anger towards YOU. you did nothing wrong......i did nothing wrong, but yet i fight to keep you from harm. and if you are one of the people i am aiming this at.......those who despise what the military is doing. i hope you think hard about your feelings. about your protest. i am sorry i am lashing out, but the emotions are overflowing right now.................

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