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How Do I Let Her Go?
Wind waves birds smells sounds, love Peace,
Yes, this is peace to me, the ocean’s breath whispers past caressing my cheeks.
I feel the warmth of the campfire, the flames performing an intricate pirouette in the pre-dawn light.
I sit, eyes closed listening to crashing waves meeting the shore,
Deep inside, love manifests growing like a radiant light, I feel a warmth I knew well.
glancing at my side my eyes open meeting her angelic face.
She looks up her eyes meeting mine, her face says it all, “I love you”.
A warm hand encloses, igniting the warmth to a passionate, a raging fire of adoration, I whisper, “My life would be nothing without you”.
We look back to the ocean, smiling as a lone whale breaches in the distance.
Sol wakes from his slumber, Peeking over the horizon like a bashful child, we welcome him to the new day.
He smiles upon us sending His glorious rays of light skipping across waters.
Striking breakers, bouncing onto the beach, turning sand into a million diamonds.
Her eyes close, a slight tilt to her head, the corners of her mouth uplifted, my heart swells with love.
She has Wisps of hair dancing with some unknown sprite in the magnificence that is Mother Nature.
I watch As Sol’s rays strike her golden halo, exploding into a thousand points, enhancing her beauty tenfold.
my love continues to grow as it has from our first day and it surely will until my last breath.
Emotions well to the surface as I turn my attention back to the wind, waves, birds, absorbing their energy.
I close my eyes once more and imagine us together in our twilight years, our time when we can reflect, rest, prepare each other for our passing.
Way off in the distance rings a lone ships bell.
Ting Ting Ting.
The ships bells getting louder, it’s disturbing our peace and it is becoming harder to hear nature.
Tingting tingtingting, Tingting tingtingting
It’s becoming louder and louder, drowning out all noise,
Tingting tingtingtingtingting tingtingting Tingting tingtingtingtingting tingtingting!
The bells intensity grows until I feel its inside me and everything fades.
It’s my alarm, that evil, clock watching horror.
I battle with the urge to through it out the window, when suddenly it dawned on me, I was dreaming once more.
I look to my side see her holding my hand, I can feel her warmth, I can feel her flesh, I can feel her love, I see her smile.
Slowly the thick dank fog of sleep lifts and as my mind clears, horror strikes me like a punch in the gut.
She fades! Surely as the fog lifts, so does my Angel, vanishing before my very eyes leaving me with a familiar, banal, unlovely wall the sheets cold and empty.
Horror-struck, I see A squalid room, 4 dirty unwashed walls, A ceiling yellow smudged, stained from years of cigarette smoke.
Dead fly’s hang from an exposed light fitting, A single spider weaving her home, a prison!
So, the drudgery of the day begins as I stumble over my jeans, laying on the floor where I dropped them last night.
I wander out, make a coffee, light a cigarette, sit and turn on the TV.
I exist, wallowing in self-pity, pain, dread, fear and tears,
Until I can sleep again, hopefully.
I think to myself, it’s been 3 Years, 6 Months, 4 Weeks, 1 Day, 8 Hours, 39 Minutes and 59 Seconds.
Or 1307 mornings, since she died, I try not to count though.
Softly I whisper, “How many more mornings do I have to go through this /*****/”?
all I really want to do is scream at the top of my voice, ”STUFF YOU, LIFE”!
Terry West
Copyright 2018
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