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Array
(
[sid] => 100668
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Abysmal Hell
[time] => 2005-07-09 15:42:12
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => My farewell trudge along the coast
I sense a presence - the Unholy Ghost
In all it's fury I'm engrossed
It calls to me so bitterly brash
Reminding me of the wrong I've done
And the pain I've bestowed upon everyone
Now from this earth it's me He'll shun
Soon to face this harsh backlash
As I gaze upon the water black
White lunar light bouncing back
Swiftly the sea begins to attack
The waves engulf me as they crash
Abysmal waters pull me in,
The ocean's depth consumes my sin
It seems this battle I can not win
The ocean strikes with its vicious lash
And as I tread however hard,
It becomes too hard to keep my guard
It thrusts me about with disregard
I feel the coral's gelding slash
As I lay upon the ocean floor
I beg forgiveness evermore,
An eternity here I shall endure
My life gone in a flash
[comments] => 15
[counter] => 339
[topic] => 13
[informant] => wizard
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 39
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => DarkPoetry
)
Abysmal Hell
Contributed by
wizard
on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 03:42:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
My farewell trudge along the coast
I sense a presence - the Unholy Ghost
In all it's fury I'm engrossed
It calls to me so bitterly brash
Reminding me of the wrong I've done
And the pain I've bestowed upon everyone
Now from this earth it's me He'll shun
Soon to face this harsh backlash
As I gaze upon the water black
White lunar light bouncing back
Swiftly the sea begins to attack
The waves engulf me as they crash
Abysmal waters pull me in,
The ocean's depth consumes my sin
It seems this battle I can not win
The ocean strikes with its vicious lash
And as I tread however hard,
It becomes too hard to keep my guard
It thrusts me about with disregard
I feel the coral's gelding slash
As I lay upon the ocean floor
I beg forgiveness evermore,
An eternity here I shall endure
My life gone in a flash
Copyright ©
wizard
... [
2005-07-09 15:42:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 03:53:44 PM AEST
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So sad, but so beautifully written.. The imagery was perfect!! I could feel and see every step as it took place...
Well done!
Jenni |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 04:23:52 PM AEST
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SO well writin
your magic pen has cast its
spell on me once again
The 3rd stanza is great |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 04:27:32 PM AEST
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I love these writes that start with a slow, steady flow, and then zip off into high gear halfway through! Well done. I thought your expression was great in this piece. I love the title too btw...
Scorp. |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by kodiak_2312 on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 05:41:46 PM AEST
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wow...that was truly...amazing so well written i love how certain parts rymed with only specific pieces! i really did that was really great!
Keep up the great work!
-Kodiak |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrimsonTears on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 08:10:24 PM AEST
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this is an amazing write....i enjoyed it so much....excellent job
Lots of Love
CrimsonTears |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 12:35:57 AM AEST
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You did a good job on this, as I know how difficult it is to find
the words you like that flow with the feeling of the poem. You accomplished
this and I applaud that. This poem painted a sad dark picture and I
sympathize with that. I ejoy your work and shall be keeping an
eye out for your name more often now.
~Kara |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by CarolinaBlue on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 01:29:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
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it is truly art when you can take
something this sad and make it look beautiful.
you couldn't have written this any better. great job wizard.
~Blue~
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 02:51:16 AM AEST
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hmm.. wow. what to write about this one dude...
its beautifully written, yes, thats almost a given for you.. but wow, your message.. and drama.. and the Unholy Ghost is a very poetic name. i know from personal experience that poetry like this comes from the heart, and often reflects your situation.. you portray the heavy weight that life burdens us all with well.. and you come to that painful, yet freeing realization that we all must come to.. were wrong. we all need forgivness. we all need Jesus.. i love the hope you end with.. and i dont know if you see it that way, but the end of your poem is hopeful.. because there is forgivness. not only that.. the debt has been paid for.. because of the blood of the Lamb. Jesus reflects Gods perfect love.. because he took all the punishment from us, who deserve death, and he didnt deserve because he was perfect.. and he gave us life, and abundance. its a free gift, and we realize that to truely receive it requires radical change.. He is real, thats why Jesus changes peoples lives. and the moment you recieve him, and ask Him to help you do things His way and not your own.. the burden disappears. he takes it. we still have free will.. he can only work with what we give him, but it is so worth it because he gives us everything that he is! we become the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ .. we were meant for so much more.. a life of love and peace and fellowship.. hope, as your life is whisked off into eternity. life on this earth changes when you look through Gods eyes and hear with his ears and feel with his heart.. his love for each person is more than is imaginable.
well.. this has become quite a rant. i dunno if you have ever had Christianity explained this way, but this is the truth i know. its not religion, it is in fact the opposite, it is a relationship. and its good.. pure. i guess in conclusion, i love your work, and this is one of your best.. i look forward to reading your next peice.
joshua |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 06:00:01 PM AEST
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You have such a flare with a pen dearest Paul. This is sad, yet so beautiful. I think it kinda reflects on the things in ur life at the moment for u always write from the heart. Keep up the brillant work,
Hugs,
Dreamer
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by gwenevere on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 06:13:00 PM AEST
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Do you know this reminds me of a feeling I got when I visited Holy Island in norhtumberland earlier this year.I don't know what atrcities had been performed there in the long distant past but it hit me like a sledgehammer.It reminded me of th unholy ghost.
Great write again,Glad so many people comment on your work, it is excellent, Ros |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 06:34:27 PM AEST
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Incredibly vivid words..thoughts-
it left me feeling so empty..
and fantastically written bro..
last stanza..what a powerful ending here:
"As I lay upon the ocean floor
I beg forgiveness evermore,
An eternity here I shall endure
My life gone in a flash…"
I love the ..A - A - A - B - style as you know..
so very well written...ths write
just awesome..
B |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 08:37:39 AM AEST
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In the words of all...........................Extradinary..! 5 stars for the deep and well thought write that this one is. It does take the heart and sadden, yet makes the soul feel more. Always, a pleasure, to read.
Brew~ |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Wednesday, 10th August 2005 @ 10:21:03 AM AEST
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| I loved the style you used, I'll have to borrow it sometime o_~ The single line inbetween each stanza all rhyming and still going with the stanza underneath. The ending line 'My life gone in a flash' is so powerful and ties the poem together perfectly. However, after the line 'I feel the coral's gelding slash' You write about dying on the ocean floor. I think you need another stanza and another single line before the dying stanza. Where is the pain? Coral really hurts and makes you bleed! I think if you create the pain and suffering before the dying it will give even more intensity to your poem. Keep posting! |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 19th February 2006 @ 02:34:07 PM AEST
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*stares in amazement at monitor*
*composes herself enough to write response*
ahem ! Well, this is, [without exception] a most magnificent write.
Your execution of thought is remarkable. And completely flawless. I
am astounded at, not only the message here, but the way in
which you have expressed it. I can't say enough. I did read this
before, but stayed away on purpose, not able to amalgamate any
words. None, at least, that could adequately express my admiration
and envy of the talent on display here. Wow. This was exceptional,
dearest Paul. No embellishment here. I am quite literally beyond
words. I love the rhyming scheme. . . more of that uniqueness.
Admiringly,
~Breezy
(It's magic, you know . . .
Never believe it's not so) |
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Re: Abysmal Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 3rd May 2006 @ 03:17:27 PM AEST
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I love the way the Sea turns into a judge of sorts in this piece. The anger of the sea is something I would really rather not ever face. This is a very creative piece. I wish I'd thought of it first...
Take care.
David |
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