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Array ( [sid] => 100855 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Invisible [time] => 2005-07-11 13:03:46 [hometext] => [bodytext] => You are pain and deception
Behind a mask of love
A voice inside my head
Tried to stop me from falling
But it was too late

Emotions are not a toy
So why must you play with my heart?
I thot we were both adults
But you are still very naïve
You don’t know what love is

All I ever wanted
Was to be by your side
To be with you and protect you
Form all the pain of the world
If you would just be mine

You long to be with others
Who want somebody else
You don’t recognize what you have
Right in front of your face
A love that is pure and true

Yet I am still heart broken and alone
Without you to hold
This doesn’t bother you
Because you don’t notice it
You don’t notice me…
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 236 [topic] => 48 [informant] => Aaralyn [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Invisible

Contributed by Aaralyn on Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 01:03:46 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

You are pain and deception
Behind a mask of love
A voice inside my head
Tried to stop me from falling
But it was too late

Emotions are not a toy
So why must you play with my heart?
I thot we were both adults
But you are still very naïve
You don’t know what love is

All I ever wanted
Was to be by your side
To be with you and protect you
Form all the pain of the world
If you would just be mine

You long to be with others
Who want somebody else
You don’t recognize what you have
Right in front of your face
A love that is pure and true

Yet I am still heart broken and alone
Without you to hold
This doesn’t bother you
Because you don’t notice it
You don’t notice me…

Copyright Â© Aaralyn ... [ 2005-07-11 13:03:46]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Invisible (User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 01:38:09 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

(i know this is long, stay with me. some bad, some good)

i don't know, but i don't like this very much. it feels too... much. like you're writing a note, not a poem. the foundation is good though, if you would just do some editing. some lines are so good, and some fall a little flat.

You are pain and deception

that line is so good, a direct association. beautiful.

Emotions are not a toy
So why must you play with my heart?

this seems a little... tired. I'd say cliché, but that seems a bit harsh for what is otherwise a pretty good write.

keep writing, and good luck!

Re: Invisible (User Rating: 1 )
by gfreek79 on Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 01:38:26 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i really like ur poem, it speaks to me as corny as that sounds. it just kinda shows everything i've felt in the past year of my life.

Re: Invisible (User Rating: 1 )
by SkC_cutie on Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 09:27:08 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like your poem. You really get your feelings across

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