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Array ( [sid] => 103464 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Exhausted [time] => 2005-08-14 06:14:48 [hometext] => I think it needs a couple more lines, but I have gotten no sleep because my b/f is not around so I'm exhausted. It's 6 AM! Comments always appreciated, thanks guys! [bodytext] => Maybe I'm too young
Maybe this isn't right
Maybe we're not meant to be
Maybe this feeling will only last the night

I can't sleep without you holding me,
so why are you not here?
I can't see myself without you,
apparently I haven't made that as clear

There are so many moments already
where I have had to swallow my pride
suck it up and say I'm sorry
or just leave it alone and say goodbye

I don't know what I want from you
and I guess I never really did [comments] => 5 [counter] => 218 [topic] => 2 [informant] => cold [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 14 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Exhausted

Contributed by cold on Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 06:14:48 AM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

Maybe I'm too young
Maybe this isn't right
Maybe we're not meant to be
Maybe this feeling will only last the night

I can't sleep without you holding me,
so why are you not here?
I can't see myself without you,
apparently I haven't made that as clear

There are so many moments already
where I have had to swallow my pride
suck it up and say I'm sorry
or just leave it alone and say goodbye

I don't know what I want from you
and I guess I never really did

Copyright © cold ... [ 2005-08-14 06:14:48]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Exhausted (User Rating: 1 )
by mom11159 on Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 09:18:01 AM AEST
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Excellent You really know how to express yourself though your beautiful words You have a great rhyming sceme and a wonderful flow to this beautiful poem I really loved reading it a very delightful poem
Cathy

Re: Exhausted (User Rating: 1 )
by Darkhorse71 on Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 10:13:05 AM AEST
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Great poem with a lot of self doubt. I don't think the poem needs a couple of more lines as much as you need more answers. Thanks for sharing this and please keep writing!

Re: Exhausted (User Rating: 1 )
by BtrFlyDrms on Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 11:51:37 AM AEST
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I dont think this one needs anymore lines.Sometimes it is best to ends things in the direct.In pretty much ALL phases in life you will ALWAYS be left with more questions then you will find answers.Life after all is all about the stepping stones we take. good job! ~Angie

Re: Exhausted (User Rating: 1 )
by cutestmofo on Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 01:37:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i may not be the most poetic but i know something great when i see it and it was beautiful

Re: Exhausted (User Rating: 1 )
by Ambiguity on Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 06:31:19 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I don't think it needs more lines... I kind of like shorter poems as long as they don't seem like something is missing and it doesn't seem like anything is missing in your poem. This is really good. Especially the end.

Good job,
Amber

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