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Array ( [sid] => 105781 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Darker Days [time] => 2005-09-15 20:59:04 [hometext] => ( I wrote this one about a couple of months ago, I think it's a pretty good poem, But I mainly want to know what you guys think, I want your honest opinions) [bodytext] => I long for you to fly over me once more, 'cause somehow I know that my death is near, I can feel it. I can feel it deep inside myself. From down below the sun never seems to shine, my bloodshot eyes search the sky for a sign of you.
Ok, I admit i've been living longer than I ever thought.
I finally manage to break away from this hell, and break on through a new life.
I never thought i'd reach this far.
Break out of the darkness, and into the heavens.
I stare into the pool of life, and take a drink. I look up into your eyes, they are full of death. But somehow I have defeated you, once and for all, you shall never see the light again, and iIshould never see the darkness. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 216 [topic] => 43 [informant] => JHONEN32629 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 6 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Darker Days

Contributed by JHONEN32629 on Thursday, 15th September 2005 @ 08:59:04 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

I long for you to fly over me once more, 'cause somehow I know that my death is near, I can feel it. I can feel it deep inside myself. From down below the sun never seems to shine, my bloodshot eyes search the sky for a sign of you.
Ok, I admit i've been living longer than I ever thought.
I finally manage to break away from this hell, and break on through a new life.
I never thought i'd reach this far.
Break out of the darkness, and into the heavens.
I stare into the pool of life, and take a drink. I look up into your eyes, they are full of death. But somehow I have defeated you, once and for all, you shall never see the light again, and iIshould never see the darkness.

Copyright © JHONEN32629 ... [ 2005-09-15 20:59:04]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Darker Days (User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on Thursday, 15th September 2005 @ 09:05:07 PM AEST
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interesting write i enjoyed it you kinda joined two sentences toghter but i cant spell so hey what do i know still great write keep up the work

Re: Darker Days (User Rating: 1 )
by JHONEN32629 on Thursday, 15th September 2005 @ 09:06:09 PM AEST
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Thanks

Re: Darker Days (User Rating: 1 )
by remote on Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 02:14:35 AM AEST
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Little rough, you could polish it a bit, nice approach to the theme.

Re: Darker Days (User Rating: 1 )
by JHONEN32629 on Saturday, 17th September 2005 @ 11:31:33 AM AEST
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^ Thanks, and I agree with the polishing comment, I can use more detail in it, and I will!

Re: Darker Days (User Rating: 1 )
by tdp on Sunday, 18th September 2005 @ 05:25:58 PM AEST
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I really like the line " I stare into the pool of life, and take a drink. I look up into your eyes, they are full of death." Pretty deep stuff you got going on there, very expressive

Re: Darker Days (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Saturday, 24th September 2005 @ 12:29:35 PM AEST
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It is a bit confusing to me. Maybe you can rewrite it so that its message is clearer

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