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(
[sid] => 105811
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
[time] => 2005-09-16 10:26:45
[hometext] => Very personal... about abortion. I am sorry baby...
[bodytext] => Fade to Dust
and as to dust I fade
time and time again I think
"the choice made"
complex creature, growing form
into my body you silently stormed
taking over parts of me
I never thought could come to be
someone’s entirety...
my laugh brought your entire body into vibrations
my pain tormented your little developing sensations
my addiction gripped you as well
you and I suffered together in my personal hell
And as to dust I fade
I think of how I paid
a mercenary? an assassin?
opened my legs, let him in
baby I cried
as you unknowingly died
scraped out from the inside
my body where you felt the warmth and life
heartlessly invaded by cold a curette and knife
but it is I who is scarred with ever encompassing blame
and it is I who secretly grieves in horror and shame
for I let my womb
become your tomb
you were August
I am dust
you were a mistake
made from lust
I am self hate
that came too late
I learned what evil I could do...
my heart beat was all you knew
all you ever heard; the thump thump
pump... pump...
one blood we shared as two
my August mistake, I bid you adieu
a tiny piece of me
that’s what you were to be...
what you had been,
back then...
...when the eternal mistake was not yet made,
before I began to fade
into
dust
*I surrendered to the fear the arose from somewhere deeper then even you
I let go and fell
forever falling until I hit my final hell...
I could have been your mommy forever
but I am mommy never...*
"In my platforms
I hit the floor
fell face down
didn't help my brain out
then the baby came
before I found
the magic how
to keep her happy
I never was the fantasy
of what you want
wanted me to be
Don't judge me so harsh little girl
so you got a playboy mommy
but when you tell em my name
and you want to cross that
Bridge all on your own
little girl they'll do you no harm
cause they know
Your playboy mommy
but when you tell em my name
from here to Birmingham I got a few friends
I never was there was there when it counts
I get my way
you're so like me
you seemed ashamed
ashamed that I was
a good friend of American soldiers
I'll say it loud here by your grave
those angels can't
ever take my place
somewhere where the orchids grow
I can't find those church bells
that played when you died
played Gloria
talkin bout
Hosanah
don't judge me so harsh little girl "
[comments] => 11
[counter] => 586
[topic] => 32
[informant] => rxqueen
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 14
[ratings] => 3
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => SadPoetry
)
And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
Contributed by
rxqueen
on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 10:26:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Fade to Dust
and as to dust I fade
time and time again I think
"the choice made"
complex creature, growing form
into my body you silently stormed
taking over parts of me
I never thought could come to be
someone’s entirety...
my laugh brought your entire body into vibrations
my pain tormented your little developing sensations
my addiction gripped you as well
you and I suffered together in my personal hell
And as to dust I fade
I think of how I paid
a mercenary? an assassin?
opened my legs, let him in
baby I cried
as you unknowingly died
scraped out from the inside
my body where you felt the warmth and life
heartlessly invaded by cold a curette and knife
but it is I who is scarred with ever encompassing blame
and it is I who secretly grieves in horror and shame
for I let my womb
become your tomb
you were August
I am dust
you were a mistake
made from lust
I am self hate
that came too late
I learned what evil I could do...
my heart beat was all you knew
all you ever heard; the thump thump
pump... pump...
one blood we shared as two
my August mistake, I bid you adieu
a tiny piece of me
that’s what you were to be...
what you had been,
back then...
...when the eternal mistake was not yet made,
before I began to fade
into
dust
*I surrendered to the fear the arose from somewhere deeper then even you
I let go and fell
forever falling until I hit my final hell...
I could have been your mommy forever
but I am mommy never...*
"In my platforms
I hit the floor
fell face down
didn't help my brain out
then the baby came
before I found
the magic how
to keep her happy
I never was the fantasy
of what you want
wanted me to be
Don't judge me so harsh little girl
so you got a playboy mommy
but when you tell em my name
and you want to cross that
Bridge all on your own
little girl they'll do you no harm
cause they know
Your playboy mommy
but when you tell em my name
from here to Birmingham I got a few friends
I never was there was there when it counts
I get my way
you're so like me
you seemed ashamed
ashamed that I was
a good friend of American soldiers
I'll say it loud here by your grave
those angels can't
ever take my place
somewhere where the orchids grow
I can't find those church bells
that played when you died
played Gloria
talkin bout
Hosanah
don't judge me so harsh little girl "
Copyright ©
rxqueen
... [
2005-09-16 10:26:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 10:28:45 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Sorry to post on my own poem, but I forgot to give credit... the end section is a song by Tori Amos called Playboy Mommy. I thought it was fitting... once again I apologize. |
|
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by rubytears on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 10:57:33 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| i felt it as u wrote it..... it was so emotional.....im lost for words.... |
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 11:33:30 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This must have been a hard write. It was definately a courageous one. |
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by remote on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 11:34:58 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Can't live in 'could haves' forever, just knowing that some mistakes were made is enough. Very painful story to tell. |
|
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 12:12:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Mistakes made, and if pain taken, then forgivenes, is giving. Things happen and done for all reasons...no one can tell you either way, you are the judge......yes, very painful write...........People do things seeing fit for their situtions, all the time. Dont be so hard.....just know, you have to set inner with your self.!
Brew~ |
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 12:13:30 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow such powerful writing, very hard hitting and emotional.
*hugs*
Pix xx |
|
|
Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 01:13:36 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow this is very powerful and you can feel all the emotions through it.. its beautiful writing and expressed so well. this is definately a masterpiece!! great job joce
JENNI |
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 02:48:31 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| *Tears!* |
|
|
Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 17th September 2005 @ 11:58:31 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
That was such a sad and emotive write Joce.
Thanks for sharing it.
Jane~ |
|
|
Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 12:44:55 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
oh my god... what to say? I won't put my
personal opinions on abortion here, but this
poem was just wow so sad and hard hitting
and just so terribly touching. Just so
emotional and yeah wow...
Bobo (Joel) |
|
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Re: And as I Fade (my baby's goodbye)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aquaelius on
Tuesday, 13th December 2005 @ 09:46:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I almost didn't read this one... It took a little push to get me to do so... "My womb... your tomb?" that sounds horrible. What a terrible picture you have painted of yourself. And just the contrast between that and at the very end church bells... oh my. Emotional... creepy. Emotional and creepy. I am at a loss of further words... it's good in a bad way. Definitely got your point across, and I know (at least from the male perspective) what goes into decisions like this. Still, got chills and stuff.
Aq. |
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