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Array
(
[sid] => 106756
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Untitled
[time] => 2005-09-29 17:29:29
[hometext] => Venting mostly, I don't know exactly how I feel about it all.
[bodytext] => ***** I get so mad sometimes, I try to push it all away, but you constantly instigate, then run away. What can I say to you, that you'll actually believe? You think things, that are never true, your paranoid I swear. You won't talk to me, won't tell me whats wrong, you hide things, you lie, and you accuse me of it aswell. Saying I don't tell you anything, well *****, news flash, were not an item anymore! You chose that. It wasn't just no communication, you expect to much, more than you think, and I want to live up to that, its just hard, and you can't accept that, my job, is not to create a play by play of my life for you. I can't tell you everything, and I can't handle this, you hide yourself, gaurding your thoughts, and everything else, I want to be here for you, I'm trying as hard as I can but your dragging me down with you, and no matter how hard I try to bring us back up, I can't. It's like you purposely hold us down. You confuse me, you say there's still feelings, then you do this. You don't trust me, I lie, I hide things, how can you have feelings for someone like this? You don't even believe in me, I can't keep promises, I gaurd myself, I'm not perfect, I'm sorry. Thing is, I really tried to be for you. There must be something wrong with me, I try to make everyone else happy, and hurt myself in the process, I must have been hard to deal with, very straining, complex, stressful - a waste of your time. Well here's my vow I promise to keep No longer will I wait for you, to take my hand, I won't expect anything of you, not your ear, nor your soothing comfort, I won't bother you with my problems, you know... the one's I never shared. I won't burden you with my emotions, my feelings, the ones I no longer have. I won't fight for us, pushing so we can work, because I guess, you never wanted that. I won't lay awake, in my bed, thinking of how much you mean to me. What you've done and said, I won't cry for you, because you never hurt me, at least not that I'll admit. And lastly, I won't think of you, as I look at all the beautiful things in the world, because thats what you remind me of, everything that's wonderful. I guess I didn't mean the same, never thought I did to you. Can't think of why I tried. I loved you. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 189 [topic] => 6 [informant] => Scarletrayne [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )
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