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Array ( [sid] => 115597 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Adoration Addiction [time] => 2006-02-28 21:29:40 [hometext] => You are the epitome of perfection; ...And this, my love, is my confession. [bodytext] => It is me you never cease to amaze
I know youre more then just a phase
You are the epitome of perfection
And this, my love, is my confession

What is that warmth in the smile on your face?
What is that emotion I feel in our embrace?
What is that rapid change in my heartbeats pace?
What is that feeling in my heart that no one could erase?

Youve changed me in the most beautiful way
The one I love I could not betray
In my heart you will always stay
I dont want you to ever go away

Now please if you would grab my hand
Lets run together across the sand
Our hearts together will slowly bind
Our lives and love will intertwine

So now my heart has no reason to bleed
Because you are the only thing I need
No longer will my mornings be followed by dread
Now that all I have is you in my head

My love, my heart, my amazing addiction
I know our love is anything but fiction
The only thing I want is for you to be with me
Im more then positive were truly meant to be [comments] => 2 [counter] => 227 [topic] => 2 [informant] => DieRomantic [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Adoration Addiction

Contributed by DieRomantic on Tuesday, 28th February 2006 @ 09:29:40 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

It is me you never cease to amaze
I know youre more then just a phase
You are the epitome of perfection
And this, my love, is my confession

What is that warmth in the smile on your face?
What is that emotion I feel in our embrace?
What is that rapid change in my heartbeats pace?
What is that feeling in my heart that no one could erase?

Youve changed me in the most beautiful way
The one I love I could not betray
In my heart you will always stay
I dont want you to ever go away

Now please if you would grab my hand
Lets run together across the sand
Our hearts together will slowly bind
Our lives and love will intertwine

So now my heart has no reason to bleed
Because you are the only thing I need
No longer will my mornings be followed by dread
Now that all I have is you in my head

My love, my heart, my amazing addiction
I know our love is anything but fiction
The only thing I want is for you to be with me
Im more then positive were truly meant to be

Copyright © DieRomantic ... [ 2006-02-28 21:29:40]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Adoration Addiction (User Rating: 1 )
by eggflipper on Tuesday, 28th February 2006 @ 09:38:15 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Nice rhyming lends itself well to fluidity. Nicely achieved for nothing is taken away from the content.

Re: Adoration Addiction (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 11:29:00 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is the first of your work I have read. I am going to lend a bit of constructive criticism, so before let me tell you what I admire about this work.

First of all you seem to posses a great depth of talent. Second of all your passion shows deep here. An overall good write here.

I did, however find it a bit on the cheezy side with the rhyme pattern. It loses a little bit of it's flare with the obvious rhymes. bleed - need / dread - head / me - be etc.... And the second stanza with each line rhyming is just a little too much for a reader. What I am trying to say in a not so simplistic way, is that the rhyming pattern seems a little forced. I would work on that with the next peice.

When I read this I do not feel as though it flowed from your mind out onto the type. I feel as if you actually pasued in between each line and wondered where to go next.
Lines do not complete themselves into stanzas and couplets by rhymes as much as they do by feel. You can make dog rhyme with trash can if you write it correctly.

I do see a tremendous talent here. I think if you let your words flow and think a little less you will find that you have a hidden genius for the gift of writing. So please do not be discouraged by my comments. I see a great talent which can only get better.

On this site I have another bit of advice. I would not suggest you using one of your lines as a comment. It gives away part of the poem before the reader has a chance to get into the poem. It may even, sometimes turn a reader away if they do not feel the line that you expressed in the comments. Just a bit of advice.

I am by no means the world's greatest poet, I am not even the greatest on YPDC. I do however only criticize those who I think need it to advance their skills. I see talent here, and I see with work you being an enormous talent.

Keep Writing!

- SCM

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