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Array
(
[sid] => 117126
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => A GIRLS STORY
[time] => 2006-03-26 23:48:58
[hometext] => this is a story of alittle bit of the the trauma ive been through in the past year its pretty long so sit back with some popcorn and enjoy:)
[bodytext] => God know of my sad road he knows of the hell I hold God understands of the pain I have he sees my tears and catches them with his hand there was a girl I long ago did know strong and courageous and immovable nothing would shake her in this world from staying on her guided path that she discovered she had yet fearful and afraid- the world, she wouldn’t go out and face- she hid herself well behind a house of walls and enjoyed her fears for they kept her from facing the outside world so, safe she was behind her walls she didn’t have to deal with the world at all- there is a girl I do know how she is different, has changed somehow tired of the walls that had no color, tired of being lonely with out love to hold her but her foundation, immovable has become weak and unstable her foundation shaky every day she walks with feeble knees many look at her with judgment and disgust understanding, they are not hard on her in their hearts they are disgusted of what they see in her to them, she’s become a fool letting herself go- to them, she’s become irresponsible- her exercise of faith became less her life became scatterdness out of direction, out of focus but now the one she most sacredly and dearly trusted has lashed out judgment upon her- their bond is now busted the woman who held her close since the womb wears bitterness on her sleeves now a heart of vandalism so now she feels betrayed by one she used to trust thrown in her face was her mothers love- she gave up on her by her judgment and anger even a bit of hatred took over- then the world of support and love, lost separated by selfishness and hurtful words two different prayers now being said God, hear me they each pleaded so different they were yet the same they were uttered this God above hears every tear yet has to bless each and different prayer this girl I talk of is me, im the one hurt and lost and my prayer is this: oh God I have been through such hell and bliss im not trying to abandon you, just trying to get through this this woman I used to trust, no longer understands- I just need to be loved back to health in this land such pain has pierced my soul and im trying to let it go yet, this is not noticed- im just being seen as irresponsible and lost you see, there was a day I lost my voice causing me so much pain.... talking on the phone to the man I vowed to forever hold his hand,.... he told me he was with another woman- violently I screamed for my words were broken I was suddenly alone and abandoned with nothing but two beautiful children and one in the making, I was alone coming from a world where I didn’t know how to stand alone, responsible and proud, for every day I was controlled verbally abused and left alone and now I am sensitive and tender Im again told I am a failure by my most trusted friend, and mother but if you would hear her pray out loud, you would see shes been burned out because shes well been deeply burdened by the whirlwind of my drauma and children so how can God hear us both and answer our prayers we utter out bitterness seems to be such selfishness maybe more, he can help us be there for each other in this tragic bliss of sorrows and sadness if she would see a lot of love I just need, to tenderly and gently be helped aided and directed out but this hate and rage kills me in great pain im not good enough, im failing and now, alone I am walking I once had moments of pride in myself I visioned my success after the day I healed but it seems as though this process is a longer road- than for, I anticipated and hoped time I still need to heal from my hurt and in a safe haven place of love and shelter- to be believed in, I need- from those still close to me I need love from a sincere heart so giving, to help me bravely succeed by standing on my own two feet and strengthen my feeble knees oh mother, abandoned you too in some ways I guess but my heart is in a world of mess- please don’t go bitter don’t turn on me either be patient with me I will come together and in the end you’ll be awarded as the greatest mom ever!! Your life will be golden with joys, riches and peace from heaven if you wont turn bitter one me, please come hold my hand and help put me back together again- this I learned; they are promises to be earned: when such tragedies hit must be prepared for all of it though one may not know when the storms of a tornado will hit when might come a destroying wind- when it might come through our wolds or when it will go so prepared we must be and pray to God he will hold up our knees so we can still stand in the middle of a tornados wind but crazy enough, and lucky enough, in this tornado, I am still standing but, with weak and feeble knees- for in some ways, finally, im facing my fears im facing the world right now, and here- and, stronger, myself, I do behold truly in the end I will see the mold of the art God so carefully and long did hold with a brush in his hands he works on the masterpiece, I will be in the end- as I am still standing in the here and now, to God I make a vow, that my trust and faith I will give to my lord to heal the agony of my pain and hurt- as I am still going through the trial of this abandonment and knees so feeble so mommy, thank you for your support of being here don’t give up on me or your help either soon ill be strong I will make it out in the world I long been afraid of, I will be proud- don’t be another to abandon me because in this, its hard to be happy God will bless you in this so don’t abandon me, this is my wish- I love you, you’re my heaven sent gift- march 25 2006 [comments] => 2 [counter] => 175 [topic] => 31 [informant] => Adelle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => StoryPoetry )
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