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Array ( [sid] => 117841 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Quintessence [time] => 2006-04-06 17:38:23 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Stepping to the floor's beat,
Crashing into walls.
Tripping over my feet,
Forever empty halls.

Fractured bones, my hands are crushed,
beneath fierce adrenaline rush
A rib or two fall out of place,
Breaking out of their muscular case.

I'm just a doll,
Do as you please.
Through it all,
I'm on my knees.
Begging for a taste,
I try to be your girl.
But it's just a waste;
My fake and barren swirl:
This is my home,
There's black and white and red.
It chills you to the bone,
And makes you leave instead.

Crossing empty streets,
The desolate shivers.
Melting from the heat,
As we slide into the rivers.

Heavy eyelids weigh me down,
My world is black and white and red.
Tell me if my lips now frown,
And make me give you perfect head. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 216 [topic] => 13 [informant] => assassinatorgirl [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Quintessence

Contributed by assassinatorgirl on Thursday, 6th April 2006 @ 05:38:23 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Stepping to the floor's beat,
Crashing into walls.
Tripping over my feet,
Forever empty halls.

Fractured bones, my hands are crushed,
beneath fierce adrenaline rush
A rib or two fall out of place,
Breaking out of their muscular case.

I'm just a doll,
Do as you please.
Through it all,
I'm on my knees.
Begging for a taste,
I try to be your girl.
But it's just a waste;
My fake and barren swirl:
This is my home,
There's black and white and red.
It chills you to the bone,
And makes you leave instead.

Crossing empty streets,
The desolate shivers.
Melting from the heat,
As we slide into the rivers.

Heavy eyelids weigh me down,
My world is black and white and red.
Tell me if my lips now frown,
And make me give you perfect head.

Copyright © assassinatorgirl ... [ 2006-04-06 17:38:23]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Quintessence (User Rating: 1 )
by Hautebush on Friday, 7th April 2006 @ 11:53:25 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Aha, Assassinatorgirl, you made me run for your dictionary. After finding the meaning of Quintessence I set to thinking about how this state of being matches up with your poem. I think I get it. This is a masterful work. The narrator is possibly a woman of poor self esteem. Yet she seems to be Barbie like and little girl like as she dances. A lovely girl with a black and white and red world. Your imagery is very good "...melting from the heat as we slide into rivers." The energy of the narrator seems to be misguided. Why would a girl who dances with such passion that she crashes into walls want only to give "perfect head?" I ponder this poem and its hidden meaning. You have talent. Please give more life to your characters. Maybe drugs and homelessness are some of the themes herein. I also love the classic image of the broken hand. There is hidden strength in this narrator, make her do something with it. Keep writing! Hautebush

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