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Array
(
[sid] => 118610
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The last goodbye.....
[time] => 2006-04-19 13:50:54
[hometext] => a long but honest reply........
[bodytext] => this is as close to the truth.. as my heart will let me tell you...... My heart is afraid. afraid because of what i did to it... what I felt for you was new and strange.. and It was afraid. It hates me. punishes me when i see you. with blinding pain it twists, and when i cry? it smiles. I see the way she loves you, the one i lost to..... Ive realized I could never give you that. At first, It hated her. hated the way she was, the way she made you feel. It wanted to be the one, and it tried tomake me hate her..... but i couldnt. How could i hate something that made you happy? i then knew.... I loved you. it cried for days you know..... cursed me for making such a stupid mistake. I would never punish my worst enemy with the pain that comes with knowing you. Knowing you is like describing one of Monets paintings..... a disaster? Or too brilliant for ones mind to comprehend? it couldnt figure you out you broke her several times.. and she begged me to make it stop. "make the pain go away!" it pleaded, "what have i done?"it cried, "what did i do?" it screamed. Your memory will forever be embedded inside it..... along with the scars, the torn edges, and dried blood embedded inside. The person I am now is a result of you. So now I am your creation, youre Monet. And though it tells me not to.... I still feel something. It may be dying, but it's still alive. it told me I could never be the girl you once knew, shes gone it told me... she's gone. I know you see it, you see it in my eyes. See them lifeless, see the anguish and sorrow, That is why I cover my face. I do not want to hate you, but it wants to. I do not want to be reminded of what you did to me, but it reminds me everyday. and what you made me do to it... could I ever forgive you?.... I dont know. Even if by fate we were to be... I fear a part of me will forever be guarded. It will never let you in, never let you enter the very core of my soul.. But as much as I admire your mind I know you could never feel the lonliness and utter heartbreak... to truly understand the physical pain in telling you. I will always be alone, It accepted that fate. I now I see the world through it's eyes, as I am now... cold, unmerciful, and unable to feel. I have lost my soul, And bit by bit have forgotten the pathway home.... So now Ive arrived here. And face forward on a new path, the path to forgeting your face. but as i put one foot forward i stop. Ignoring it's pleas and screams not to i look back. And wish you happiness, love, and fulfillment. But in thinking of this tears well up, and the blinding pain weighs heavy on my heart, it's making each breath burn and hard to control. it opens my mouth to cry but i quickly muffle it with my hand. it's worth it i tell her it's worth it. So I guess this is my goodbye. My last stop. You will stay and be what I wish you to be, what the old me wanted you to be. know you will not worry nor care and forget. I wish I was like you sometimes.... I wish I could forget as well. but my fate is already sealed So Ill just end this the way you would...... [comments] => 3 [counter] => 290 [topic] => 52 [informant] => violet [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => goodbyepoetry )
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