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Array ( [sid] => 118726 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Life Choices [time] => 2006-04-21 01:41:24 [hometext] => wrote it as a project for school...hope u like it! id love some feedback [bodytext] => Sitting alone in the dark by myself
Stuck in a stasis where time passes by
Volumes of books of my life on a shelf
Books of my future and books of my lies
What pains me, are the mourning poems left
At the bottom of the shelf; cloaked in dust
These tell of sad stories; my mind bereft
Of a choice that was made, a choice of lust.
This mistake is a burden on my life
Forever I’ll remember that fruit’s taste
The ecstasy, and the pain of a knife
Shearing my mind open, showing disgrace.
The good and the evil have been revealed
Forever I’ll see. I’ll never be healed.
~Phil Greene, III [comments] => 2 [counter] => 264 [topic] => 43 [informant] => PGreene [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Life Choices

Contributed by PGreene on Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 01:41:24 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

Sitting alone in the dark by myself
Stuck in a stasis where time passes by
Volumes of books of my life on a shelf
Books of my future and books of my lies
What pains me, are the mourning poems left
At the bottom of the shelf; cloaked in dust
These tell of sad stories; my mind bereft
Of a choice that was made, a choice of lust.
This mistake is a burden on my life
Forever I’ll remember that fruit’s taste
The ecstasy, and the pain of a knife
Shearing my mind open, showing disgrace.
The good and the evil have been revealed
Forever I’ll see. I’ll never be healed.
~Phil Greene, III

Copyright Â© PGreene ... [ 2006-04-21 01:41:24]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Life Choices (User Rating: 1 )
by ham323 on Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 06:34:18 PM AEST
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Liked the poem. Made me remember something. Well, toodles.

Re: Life Choices (User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 08:43:34 PM AEST
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As with the last, I'm surprised to see another sonnet. I find it interesting that, whereas sonnets, traditionally, are utilized for love, on account of Shakespeare's work, your sonnet here, while speaking of love, is an extremely negative after-effect. You break from the mold not only in that way, but also in that Shakespeare tended to make use of the last two lines as a means of providing irony to the subject of the rest of the poem's stanzas, given that they are natural vectors for some sort of ironic or dramatic turn on account of their break from structure (rhyme-scheme).

You made use of books as symbolic for life - a good choice, but what I liked was how they weren't simply chapters in your life, but books that detailed not only events, but emotional impact.

Your transition halfway through from the symbolism to the more detailed discussion of what these mourning poems represent, bearing their text as if it were a cloak of burden, you speak straight from the point of view and make it believable.

After reading both your poems, I want to discuss them more with you over chat or message, so drop me a line. :)

All in all, nice work!

TS

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