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Array
(
[sid] => 118820
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The Little Brown Box
[time] => 2006-04-22 17:39:38
[hometext] => Some Days Are Darker Than Most... Its just the way it is.
[bodytext] => The Little Brown Box In the stillness of the night, I wait till he falls asleep I move slowly from the bed and I begin my silent creep To the bathroom I make my way, and hope I close the door tight I turn and search for the little lamp, to bring in little light I pull the drawer under the sink, to find my hidden box The small little engraved brown one with the small gold lock I reach for the key I keep around my neck on a gold chain And with trembling hands I unlock the ending to my pain I feel the tears stream down my face, even in the dark My hands and wrists show the subtle pain of my every mark I sit on the edge of the tub and open the box with ease What I can see in the dark thru shadows made my heart freeze I took a deep breath, and listen carefully to hear if he awaken But the pounding was my own heart, so I was very mistaken Trembling inside, the fear to finally consume every part of me The anxiety of it all being over is all I could focus to see I didn’t want to hurt anymore, or go thru this unbearable pain and I had nothing left in life to love and nothing to let love gain I sat and thought what made me feel like this or how this came about How did things in my life turn out so bad that this box was my only way out I looked at that box, and all it contained, for my answers will soon be gone And my love will never have a clue until he awakens in the early dawn For so long I have wished to make this true, and what will happen after this All I know is my heart will be free and for a short time I may be missed But not while I’m here still breathing and hurting deep within a broken heart Everyone feels that I need to get past this and look for a better start I cry my tears and reach in my box and the thoughts of everyone’s voice Not one to tell me what I need to hear and never an alternate choice I love all dearly and everything you have done but I am no longer a soul I am empty and a shadow that passes thru halls and a sad story once told The shimmer of gold glistens in the little light and I find my flesh so ready I bite down on my lip and whisper His name and cut firmly but steady The sting runs thru my body quite fast don’t hesitate to do it once more As I cry to him softly and call for His name I fall easily to the floor Feeling of warmth and a gush of cold, flash thru me like rapid hot fire And my memories of me and him and our family fade away with desire I remember my last wish, that if he only knew what I would do for him And how much pain I can bare for him and how I would commit any sin for him The scent of His cologne was on the carpet and it helped me to close my eyes And even though he rested sweetly in the next room he could not hear my cries The little light fades away and the pain of my heart begins to come to a slow end And my breath is only whispers of His name, to escape the journey to begin My life without love, without my true love and what lies ahead for my destiny Is the only path I will know and I will have to live with for all of eternity [comments] => 1 [counter] => 142 [topic] => 13 [informant] => fallendarkangel [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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