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Array ( [sid] => 120201 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Innocence Evanescent [time] => 2006-05-16 16:08:22 [hometext] => ... [bodytext] => Diggin deep
Inside your being
I know there's truth in there somewhere
Beneath the sin

Bloody knife
Septic needle
Broken hymen

Innocence Evanescent

They push
You into the things you say
And every act for another day
To put of Grace in an offhand way

Shivering child
Hearbroken Mother
Father lost

Innocence Evanescent

They cull your type
In thousands every day
You trust their lies and what they say
Pentagle marks

Coldness lies
Anger risen
Demons awake

Innocence Evanescent

So sleep again
To wake on the morrow
To private apocolypse
To you: Same old, same old

Die in sleep
Wake undead
Illusive stranger

Innocence Evanescent

Fake ID
In you every hair
And inch of skin you created
Blood strokes your thigh

Punctured virgin
Sweetest Rape
Coldest Pavement

Innocence Evanescent

Loose yourself
In hardest opiates
It's all that's left
As you grace the driving seat

Red lights
Wall aproaching
Crash, Burn

Innocence Evanescent [comments] => 2 [counter] => 265 [topic] => 13 [informant] => somnium [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Innocence Evanescent

Contributed by somnium on Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 04:08:22 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Diggin deep
Inside your being
I know there's truth in there somewhere
Beneath the sin

Bloody knife
Septic needle
Broken hymen

Innocence Evanescent

They push
You into the things you say
And every act for another day
To put of Grace in an offhand way

Shivering child
Hearbroken Mother
Father lost

Innocence Evanescent

They cull your type
In thousands every day
You trust their lies and what they say
Pentagle marks

Coldness lies
Anger risen
Demons awake

Innocence Evanescent

So sleep again
To wake on the morrow
To private apocolypse
To you: Same old, same old

Die in sleep
Wake undead
Illusive stranger

Innocence Evanescent

Fake ID
In you every hair
And inch of skin you created
Blood strokes your thigh

Punctured virgin
Sweetest Rape
Coldest Pavement

Innocence Evanescent

Loose yourself
In hardest opiates
It's all that's left
As you grace the driving seat

Red lights
Wall aproaching
Crash, Burn

Innocence Evanescent

Copyright © somnium ... [ 2006-05-16 16:08:22]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Innocence Evanescent (User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 05:36:15 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

kind of unusual, and a bit sad I think.

Re: Innocence Evanescent (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 08:30:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Approaching this very tentatively, indeed. I like the first verse very much, and the second is powerful in its harshness, and commands attention, but this entire poem could have benefited from:

A: specifying a protagonist
B:Building the theme around that protagonist.

As it stands, much of the impact is lost due to ambiguety, and this type of poetry cannot afford to be ambigous.

The third stanza definitely needs some adjusting with reference to the last two lines. The seventh is very good, although I think these : To wake on the morrow to private apocalypse-to you

or

To wake on the morrow, to private apocalypse, to you

Would have been better alternatives.

You're welcome,
black.

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