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After-Snow
Contributed by
NDean
on
Sunday, 4th February 2007 @ 09:33:02 AM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
Fragments of the rain-drenched hue
Penetrate the steel concrete below
Emitting the Wondrous Sparkles
Of the After-Snow.
Pools of Cloud-song
Create the petrol tints of the sky
Like the stinging fields of gold
That, with energy wisps, pass us by.
Spiritual glaciers of white
Air-rumbles from an unknown height
Brilliance encapsulated upwards
Lighting speaks to the ground at night
Weather codes of future thought
Run towards the castle of the crow
Old pale ice melts into Rain-song
Pale ice becomes the After-Snow.
Copyright ©
NDean
... [
2007-02-04 09:33:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: After-Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Monday, 5th February 2007 @ 01:10:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I simply must comment as I love poems inspired by nature and I can feel the muse in this write. I my opinion you may have done better by your inspiration if your free this piece from the chain of its rhyme scheme. There are other metrics to follow to honor such a moment of expression and your turns of phrase are tight and for me there is an obvious added effort to add this to your alliteration.
Good Job
Keep the Pen Flowing
Peace
Yangdantien |
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