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Array ( [sid] => 131528 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Cold and Dead [time] => 2007-02-08 06:56:48 [hometext] => My first poem in about three months i would love for everyone to read and comment on this one so help me out thanks [bodytext] => If you and I can't lie down and sleep togeather
Then I think I'd rather just lie down and sleep forever
Then I could dream of you and I walking hand in hand
In a field of flowers or in the oceans sand
All I know now is mysery since you left me here
Now I hide my sorrow with fake smiles and beer
I've come to know sorrow as my last and only friend
And still It's a mystery why our love had to end
Nomatter what your reason, our love is cold and dead
while I lie here dying with a big hole in my head [comments] => 5 [counter] => 246 [topic] => 13 [informant] => brave_celt [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Cold and Dead

Contributed by brave_celt on Thursday, 8th February 2007 @ 06:56:48 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

If you and I can't lie down and sleep togeather
Then I think I'd rather just lie down and sleep forever
Then I could dream of you and I walking hand in hand
In a field of flowers or in the oceans sand
All I know now is mysery since you left me here
Now I hide my sorrow with fake smiles and beer
I've come to know sorrow as my last and only friend
And still It's a mystery why our love had to end
Nomatter what your reason, our love is cold and dead
while I lie here dying with a big hole in my head

Copyright © brave_celt ... [ 2007-02-08 06:56:48]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Cold and Dead (User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on Thursday, 8th February 2007 @ 07:02:53 AM AEST
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This was amazing. I loved the last two lines. I am sorry that you have to go through this especially not knowing what even caused this relationship of yours to end. Keep your chin up and your head held high. I am a pm away if you ever need to talk..

Take care
Christina-xo

Re: Cold and Dead (User Rating: 1 )
by weeme on Thursday, 8th February 2007 @ 07:03:03 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

hey
i like what u done here and i feel that it is a
very powerful poem. well done i like it
xxx

Re: Cold and Dead (User Rating: 1 )
by outlaw_mutiny on Thursday, 8th February 2007 @ 07:05:55 AM AEST
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this is an outstanding poem! the meter in your rhymes is almost perfect, and you put a twist at the end. i feel you here dude awsome write

Re: Cold and Dead (User Rating: 1 )
by devils_denial on Thursday, 8th February 2007 @ 07:57:57 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This was a great poem, thanks for sharing this us, I like your rhyming style .

I like these two lines

'Then I could dream of you and I walking hand in hand
In a field of flowers or in the oceans sand'

I'll be reading a lot more of your poems.

Take care

Jay x

Re: Cold and Dead (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Friday, 9th February 2007 @ 12:25:31 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hmm, I like the simplicity of the wording, and the natural rhythm this piece has. It works well.

Andrew

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