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Array ( [sid] => 132929 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Poker Game [time] => 2007-03-21 14:58:02 [hometext] => A draft of a poem about a poker game. It's missing something, but i can't think of what. Any help/suggestions would be appreciated. [bodytext] => They descend on round tables,
smoking and coughing,
sharing germs and gossip
like drunken teenagers.
They watch every permutation,
every opportunity,
and make their moves
hoping to earn as much as possible.
They bet longshots and sure things,
even money and dead money,
their hands shaking like a Parkinson’s patient’s,
eager to see the results of their investments.
And looking above this table,
you could master economics,
or run a futures exchange,
a savings and loan scandal,
or even a simple shop, each based
on the lessons here presented. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 272 [topic] => 21 [informant] => Butterat_Zool [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

The Poker Game

Contributed by Butterat_Zool on Wednesday, 21st March 2007 @ 02:58:02 PM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

They descend on round tables,
smoking and coughing,
sharing germs and gossip
like drunken teenagers.
They watch every permutation,
every opportunity,
and make their moves
hoping to earn as much as possible.
They bet longshots and sure things,
even money and dead money,
their hands shaking like a Parkinson’s patient’s,
eager to see the results of their investments.
And looking above this table,
you could master economics,
or run a futures exchange,
a savings and loan scandal,
or even a simple shop, each based
on the lessons here presented.

Copyright Â© Butterat_Zool ... [ 2007-03-21 14:58:02]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Poker Game (User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on Wednesday, 21st March 2007 @ 03:02:01 PM AEST
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So I was thinking i could work in an image of the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, of traders shouting out prices, and the way money is swapped back and forth even though there are only indicators as to how a stock is going to do, never sure things. But, I don't know. Maybe i just can't word that right, or maybe that's not what this poem is missing. I know it's a bit of a reach, comparing poker to the national economy, but i definitely see the parallel, and that's what i'm trying to capture here. Thanks for any help or input you might offer.

BZ.

Re: The Poker Game (User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on Wednesday, 21st March 2007 @ 07:01:23 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

It's an interesting parallel which really works. Kudos on that. Perhaps with a stricter ryhtem this could shape up to be a masterpiece. The best art comes from restrictions.

Re: The Poker Game (User Rating: 1 )
by Neo-Theatre on Thursday, 22nd March 2007 @ 01:39:43 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I don't think it is missing anything. This poem is abstraction free, the strophes move seamlessly, and generally the metaphor is very strong.

I think "master economics" is a little weak.
It is unfortunate that poems such as this do not elicit much reaction.

I wouldn't alter this too much. Good write.
TNT

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