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Array
(
[sid] => 13308
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Last Word
[time] => 2003-02-25 20:40:00
[hometext] => Heard this in one of the Buffy episodes, it made me go inside myself for a while. Enjoy. " You were the one I loved... The one I tried to hold onto." [bodytext] => Only...I know I didn't try hard enough, I didn't know what to do... How to make you want me back. Everything was mindless at that stage, There was no laughter or true feelings... From you. Just a whole lot of 'affection'. I obviously confused that with something else. Maybe I didn't love you...Who knows? I don't even know what love means. Maybe you just reminded me of Someone I'd liked from a previous life. I can't break the hold you have over me. Believe me... I've tried! If I don't occupy myself every second Of every day...then thoughts inevitably Roam back to... You. Wonder what horrendous mischief you're up to... Where you are... How in heavens you manage to be a nocturnal creature... I've tried to figure out how/ when you took up permanent residence in my head. I don't even sound sane anymore. Maybe it was the first time you helped me... Play that joke on someone. Or maybe it was that I saw you so often. Whenever I turned...or even breathed! There you were. I'm probably denying a lot pf the bad stuff that happened... The intolerable annoyed looks from you, the wariness, that cold distance you've managed to perfect. Specifically developed undoubtedly to counteract aggravating people like me. I know...you never liked me. It never mattered... I only had one aim...to be your friend. To give you whatever you needed. I have absolutely no clue why!! So you took and never... Realised that I was human too. You brought the whirlwinds and far-off gales When you walked into my world. You offered me...unknowingly something I needed. I probably did all of this...thought about you so much because my life had been boring...so darn boring, and i needed to snap out of it i guess. I'm just sorry I had to pick you. Only emptiness is left now. I've reached that point where I can't move forward...and refuse to go back! I'm definitely going insane. I have no need to be invaded by those feelings. They're gone dammit! How did I reach this point?! What's it about you...? You're not that special... So why the heck does this not want to fade away!?!?!?!? Time and distance obviously didn't help as much as I hoped it would. All I can say is...I'm trying to forget, Hope you don't invade my heart next... I'm not even sure if you haven't already... If you do...you'll be wayyyyyy too deep for me to kick out. I won't let you in... Aaarghhhkkk !!!! [comments] => 1 [counter] => 169 [topic] => 48 [informant] => Arwen [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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