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Array
(
[sid] => 133802
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Untitled for now
[time] => 2007-04-25 04:35:32
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I desperately just want to run that blade over my skin Pulling, parting, gliding, slipping But only with an added ounce of pressure That tiny taste of what my mental palette used to devour All the best foods you’ve ever had, wrapped up into one miraculous bite But careful not to mix and blend the ones that shouldn’t fuse The sensations racing through my body ever quickly ever fixing Would they dare to be different than before? Or are memories distorted after scores of time without release? The first one during relapse is always the worst The sting always harsher, the emotions always deeper Until you reach that point of deadened ecstasy the pain you cause is real Real enough that if you stop and think You realize what you’re doing is repulsive If you stop and think You remind yourself of all the things that helped you stop And all the problems this will cause But if you manage to shut your brain off for a moment And get past the point of possible return Everything goes slip sliding out of grasp It's no longer necessary to express your mental destitution The bottle inside you has burst and its contents seem to evaporate into nowhere There is no need to share the feelings you couldn’t articulate No need to expose your innermost jumbled thoughts to a man that takes notes while you talk but you’re sure isn’t listening In the end the only thing your new slightly wounded body is feeling is bliss Is it really a wound and will you put yourself through this? I sit here late at night weighing the sweet pros and the wicked cons As long as I’m still thinking I know I’m safe The only problem is that I’m not sure I want to be safe All I want to do is forget all the reasons I can’t And just do it In the end, the moment of sting felt at the initial break of skin by blade doesn’t hurt But the grief I’d feel at having to explain the marks to my friends Isn’t yet worth the instant sigh rushing through my body in sudden liberation [comments] => 0 [counter] => 155 [topic] => 13 [informant] => anonymussme [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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