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Array ( [sid] => 137073 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => A guilty man forgiven [time] => 2007-08-31 13:23:36 [hometext] => hope you like it, its long but short sentences and nice rythm if you can get it....feel free to comment,, [bodytext] =>
And the fog there grew yet thinner
As the day did cease to glimmer
And revealed then to the sinner with one knee upon the floor,

A moon reflected shallow lake
Where lay the lives the man did take.

And the stirring ghouls around him
Took the notion to surround him
And his greedy eyes that found them quickly darted to the door,

So their ghostly chatter carried
Past the mans ears to the valley.

And he ran with all the might
Of a man that sought to fight
Against a valley with no light to show the way that he should soar,

So he flew, without a reason why,
Electric fingers lacerating sky.

And the darkened peaks above him
Wondered how his victims loved him
When the stirring gods above him shook the clouds did loudly roar,

And he dwelt upon the lonely killed
His heart was stone, his soul was chilled.

Though no sign of them behind him
But his mind was sure they’d find him,
And he couldn’t seek asylum from their whispers anymore

And he seeks in vain for verification
Some reason, for the faceless mutilation.

As he fumbled through his pocket
and he brushed his mothers locket,
There he wished that he’d forgot it but his guilty heart was sore,

And he stopped there in the leafy clearing
All his soul within him searing.

All the memories that taunt him
And the ghostly woods that haunt him
As the wind does blow beyond him he retreats unto the floor,

Here the crooked trees are laughing
They can feel the man will soon be passing.

So the freezing rain was falling
On a man without a calling
And he knew his soul was falling into some unholy door,

With the knife inside his battered coat
He drove the blade and burst his throat,

Now the mans no longer dying

And his spirit's finished crying

For he found his family lying

On the step to heavens door…

[comments] => 2 [counter] => 374 [topic] => 68 [informant] => zenith66 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => fictional )

A guilty man forgiven

Contributed by zenith66 on Friday, 31st August 2007 @ 01:23:36 PM in AEST
Topic: fictional

And the fog there grew yet thinner
As the day did cease to glimmer
And revealed then to the sinner with one knee upon the floor,

A moon reflected shallow lake
Where lay the lives the man did take.

And the stirring ghouls around him
Took the notion to surround him
And his greedy eyes that found them quickly darted to the door,

So their ghostly chatter carried
Past the mans ears to the valley.

And he ran with all the might
Of a man that sought to fight
Against a valley with no light to show the way that he should soar,

So he flew, without a reason why,
Electric fingers lacerating sky.

And the darkened peaks above him
Wondered how his victims loved him
When the stirring gods above him shook the clouds did loudly roar,

And he dwelt upon the lonely killed
His heart was stone, his soul was chilled.

Though no sign of them behind him
But his mind was sure they’d find him,
And he couldn’t seek asylum from their whispers anymore

And he seeks in vain for verification
Some reason, for the faceless mutilation.

As he fumbled through his pocket
and he brushed his mothers locket,
There he wished that he’d forgot it but his guilty heart was sore,

And he stopped there in the leafy clearing
All his soul within him searing.

All the memories that taunt him
And the ghostly woods that haunt him
As the wind does blow beyond him he retreats unto the floor,

Here the crooked trees are laughing
They can feel the man will soon be passing.

So the freezing rain was falling
On a man without a calling
And he knew his soul was falling into some unholy door,

With the knife inside his battered coat
He drove the blade and burst his throat,

Now the mans no longer dying

And his spirit's finished crying

For he found his family lying

On the step to heavens door…

Copyright Â© zenith66 ... [ 2007-08-31 13:23:36]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: A guilty man forgiven (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Friday, 31st August 2007 @ 04:34:22 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Stunning write....... it does flow and is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes... For many reasons..... Ok Im not going to blabber
this is rockin!

Michelle

Re: A guilty man forgiven (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 29th August 2008 @ 03:46:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Wow!

I am actually speechless. This was stunning! Your rhyme scheme and flow present a masterful ability to rise to any poetic challenge. Trust me, I know this was no easy task. Yet even though as a poet I know how difficult this is to pull off your poem seems to have been written effortlessly. What an amazing flow. As I said this rhyme scheme, this flow, is something for an advanced poet and only few can pull this off. Few have the talent. Fewer have the patience.

The story is chilling, yet beautiful and captivating. It reminds me of the best in storytelling and dark poetry. I am amazed, thrilled, completely caught off guard by this work of excellence. This should be published in a book of dark poetry. This is the stuff of Poe and this is the stuff of master poets!

SUPERIOR!

SCM

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