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Array
(
[sid] => 137095
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Consumption
[time] => 2007-09-01 14:02:39
[hometext] => consumption -- 1. the process of being destroyed, engrossed, or absorbed totally. 2. A progressive wasting of body tissue. 3. To eat up, devour.
[bodytext] => It's shocking. it's shocking how much emotional dependence is placed in you It's like you're an endorphin variable, it makes no sense. I have only enough assurance to assure myself that something will change. But I can't get far beyond that. So it could lead to either spectrum.... I cannot touch a pen to a paper without it not regarding you in the end. I am trapped in my own self-consciousness, and you won't back me up. I'm playing a solo hand again. You're so dense that you'd pass up time for excitement. You left experience for artificial love. You've been foiled by your own naivety! You spent such a long time on one side, you couldn't wait to jump away once the other choice came speeding by. You've turned me obsessive. I cannot read without it pertaining to you And I can't enjoy my solitude anymore. And all of the complicated words I know... just don't seem accurate enough anymore.... I don't want you left with a frame of mistakes And we're both not clean anymore. So I don't want you passing filth to any other person. You've made me mute. I cannot speak without being reminded what I've said to you. If we both lose at the same time, can we still win? I never wanted to hope for something you so meekly didn't want. I still want to refuse that I harbor a bad habit, because you bring it up at the worst times. You've made me dispirited. I cannot enjoy the night sky in my bedroom because I'm constantly waiting for the day to end. I'm shaken, we've driven down past these lights before And I thought the same thing But, somehow, now, when I drive by them, these lights, oh, they still shine so bright, but, somehow.. they, they dull my inspiration so. I can't stop thinking when I shared this scenery with you And it wasn't too long ago, either.... You've turned me diseased. I cannot feel my own face anymore without being consumed by numbness. I am ashamed of my own body, and I feel a sickness coming on again... An obsession with time, there couldn't be anything more addictive [comments] => 2 [counter] => 193 [topic] => 75 [informant] => sally-heart-jack [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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