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Array
(
[sid] => 137751
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => first love is often time the hardest love to let go of
[time] => 2007-10-10 09:01:53
[hometext] => thinking out loud about how much i loved my first love and how i had to love me enough to leave
[bodytext] => the first time i feel in love, it was heaven on earth or so it seemed he was every thing, i could ever have dreamed tall, handsome, kind and sweet to me and i was so involved, that anything other than that i couldnt see i was blind to any fault, that he may have had i guess thats one of the things, in the end that make parting sad is that everything that could have went wrong, i chose not to see why should i think anything, other than he was so in love with me and it wasnt that he was an abusive man in any way he was perfect for me, but i ignored everything anyone else had to say and we had a great relationship in everyway then small things i didnt see before, started getting in the way like his drinking more than he needed to, almost every day and i found myself slowly starting. to drink the same way and there were the people who were clearly, not my kind of crowd to hang around and they had the reputation, of being crack heads around town i wanted to believe that he was done with that part of his life now and so i convinced myself of it some how because nothing between us, was out of the ordinary, it was still all good so i never complained about them, the way when my gut said i should then the missing work, because he partied to hard the night before was slowly starting to become a habbit i couldnt ignore but as always he had an excuse, that was logical in some way i started noticing the glossed over eyes, that couldnt look me in the face and i knew it was a part of his life, that i could not and would not embrace i had two boys i was rasing, and i wouldnt do it living with him knowing it wouldnt be long before his drug habbit ways, would really start showing let me make this clear, so there is no misunderstanding in anyway he never mistreaded me or the boys mentally, or physically not at all the decision to leave, was just a whats best for my boys, a mothers instinct call as much as i loved him, i couldnt stay and watch his demise and i couldnt no longer look him in the eyes, and ignore his lies not to mention he had 3 kids, that i had to leave behind but i prayed and searched my heart, for the right answer to find and i got the answer, that my leaving would be as much for him, as it was for me he would hopefully wake up and realize, that part of his life his kids didnt need to see so i gave my hugs, and kisses before i left out the door and as i left i was over come with a sadness, i couldnt ignore but we do in this life, what we are meant to and trust Gods, grace to get us through the fact that i was leaving, didnt change our friendship that much i promised, that i would always stay in touch and i kept that promise, even to this day i call, and write to say hey, and make sure everyone is ok he will always be, someone dear to me, for he, was my first love you see [comments] => 1 [counter] => 313 [topic] => 31 [informant] => desire [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => StoryPoetry )
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