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Array ( [sid] => 140521 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Doll [time] => 2008-02-21 09:28:11 [hometext] => this just poped into my head about 6 weeks ago , but it wasnt until this last one that i was able to write it down properly , i had about 3 to 4 drafts in my binder...hehe i kinda like to get what i want in a poem..... P.D: this is my first poem. [bodytext] => at the end thou didn´t love me
thou did all this for fun
thy charade
thy mockery
shalt burn me further that the sun
the icy mask thou wear around myself
leaves me crippled and fragile
as a ragged doll on a shelf
i am no longer agile
not a deer in the woods not a perky elf
because of thou my heart is shattered
i am
but a doll on a shelf [comments] => 4 [counter] => 217 [topic] => 13 [informant] => kiba [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
Doll

Contributed by kiba on Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 09:28:11 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry



at the end thou didn´t love me
thou did all this for fun
thy charade
thy mockery
shalt burn me further that the sun
the icy mask thou wear around myself
leaves me crippled and fragile
as a ragged doll on a shelf
i am no longer agile
not a deer in the woods not a perky elf
because of thou my heart is shattered
i am
but a doll on a shelf



Copyright © kiba ... [ 2008-02-21 09:28:11]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Doll (User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 09:44:29 AM AEST
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Hi,

I like it. I didn't find it dark so much as fun though.

And i'm not sure how much of a mix you were going for with clashing styles....

..... But i think for me that it would have worked better with more attention to a consistant psuedo english approach.

But i enjoyed it all the same


Re: Doll (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 02:52:12 PM AEST
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Welcome to our global familly of poets here at ypdc.
good work.
huggs,
emy


Re: Doll (User Rating: 1 )
by brownsugar8272 on Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 09:14:07 PM AEST
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interesting write really admire your unique style . keep up the good work


Re: Doll (User Rating: 1 )
by Saloni on Friday, 22nd February 2008 @ 10:33:46 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
i really like this poem !

good read! enjoyed it..




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