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Array ( [sid] => 141193 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Inner Walls [time] => 2008-03-26 13:44:34 [hometext] => This is a short poem i wrote about depression and not being able to express it in words [bodytext] => So now you see the fear from inside and out
Secure within, out there the world awaits
From this side of my inner walls i shout
all my inner thoughts expressed in hates

Within my walls i am safe from you
the outside world cannot see
I wish they understood the truth
From the fear inside they flee [comments] => 3 [counter] => 206 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Poetic_punk [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Inner Walls

Contributed by Poetic_punk on Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 01:44:34 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

So now you see the fear from inside and out
Secure within, out there the world awaits
From this side of my inner walls i shout
all my inner thoughts expressed in hates

Within my walls i am safe from you
the outside world cannot see
I wish they understood the truth
From the fear inside they flee

Copyright © Poetic_punk ... [ 2008-03-26 13:44:34]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Inner Walls (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 01:56:49 PM AEST
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I think you expressed it well here David.

Within my walls I am safe from you...

That is solid..... yes we build our walls dont we?

Hugs

Michelle

Re: Inner Walls (User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 05:57:37 PM AEST
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first of all, Punk's Not Dead!!

but seriously, this is interestingly vague and offers a lot of reader interpretation, especially when you say you can't express ur depression words.

the outside world is a scary place, i agree

Re: Inner Walls (User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 08:32:13 PM AEST
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P-p,
I appreciate the sentiment although it doesn't pack much of a punch for a poem about depression. And the rhyme is a little contrived.

Last time I looked at a dictionary, hate was a verb, or a noun, but 'hates' isn't even a word, man! Perfect rhymes only work when they are natural and not 'made to fit'.

'From the fear inside they flee' sounds like something Yoda would mumble - again splicing proper English to satisfy the perfect rhyme just undoes any good work before it.

Spike

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