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Array ( [sid] => 149079 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Girl [time] => 2009-04-12 14:15:00 [hometext] => Wrote this a few years ago. Thought I'd share. C [bodytext] => Silence between us
Noise reigns all around
and within

I glance at her,
glimpsing timelessness

She sits quiet, unaware of
my swirling thoughts

Her belly swells
from the child, within

I long to fill her ears
with words of wisdom

But I do not,
she will learn, from life itself

She already sits - apart
from the other girls

Whose voices drift,
like the chatter of birds

She sits quiet

Yet I know, inside her
swirls thoughts of the unknown,
the unborn child

Yes, I think,
she will learn from this child
about life

She will awake-
to the true feelings
of love and laughter
sorrow and fear

The unborn babe,
will unknowingly,
teach her wisdom

So I sit in silence,
wiser, myself.

Carol L. Sossaman
1/07/04 [comments] => 3 [counter] => 254 [topic] => 43 [informant] => freckle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

The Girl

Contributed by freckle on Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 02:15:00 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

Silence between us
Noise reigns all around
and within

I glance at her,
glimpsing timelessness

She sits quiet, unaware of
my swirling thoughts

Her belly swells
from the child, within

I long to fill her ears
with words of wisdom

But I do not,
she will learn, from life itself

She already sits - apart
from the other girls

Whose voices drift,
like the chatter of birds

She sits quiet

Yet I know, inside her
swirls thoughts of the unknown,
the unborn child

Yes, I think,
she will learn from this child
about life

She will awake-
to the true feelings
of love and laughter
sorrow and fear

The unborn babe,
will unknowingly,
teach her wisdom

So I sit in silence,
wiser, myself.

Carol L. Sossaman
1/07/04

Copyright © freckle ... [ 2009-04-12 14:15:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Girl (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 03:37:08 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I really like this poem. It definitely conveys that life changning thrill of a lifetime.

Tim

Re: The Girl (User Rating: 1 )
by Balmain_Tiger on Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 06:22:07 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

To speak and remove all doubt or to remain quiet and oblivious.

Interesting choice life does bring.

Re: The Girl (User Rating: 1 )
by 3660Days on Monday, 13th April 2009 @ 03:02:25 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

surprisingly good, not too choppy, with a clear message, and some excellent lines:

her belly swells
from the child within

she already sits - apart
from the other girls

she sits quiet (this worked well I think because of the sudden break from the two-line rhythem ... while this line is alone, by itself, very sharp.)

So I sit in silence,
wiser myself (excellent ending, AND good alliteration).

I would give this 3/5 on its own merit, maybe 4/5 by normal standards for ypdc poems. Well done.

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