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Array
(
[sid] => 150081
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Waiting for 'love'
[time] => 2009-05-22 08:35:52
[hometext] => this was just something i wrote while waiting for the person who broke my heart to pick me up. so yeah. its rough but PLEASE leave comments.
[bodytext] => Standing alone in a room filled with 'friends' and family trying to fit in trying to look ok Constantly having to remember to smile forcing out a shallow fake laugh the outside looks fine nothing has changed but inside i'm broken slowly drowning not able to show the hurt not able to show the anguish holding my ribs so tight as if if i let go i would fall apart you were my world a reason to be why i woke up and got dressed for my world around me was falling apart i was drowning and only you knew i wasn't looking for a lover when my world fell apart i needed a friend Someone to turn to when times are tough someone to catch me when i feel like i'm falling i confided in you, my pain i asked for your strength i needed your help you abandoned me you left me broken bruised and torn betrayed by someone I love yet even though you have done all this I still love you with all the pieces of my shattered heart like a dog kicked by its master that still returns eager for more pushing you in arguments trying to hear those words the words i know to be true but you refuse to say for why would you hurt me why would you betray me why would you leave me if these words were true i try to understand i NEED to understand i need these words to move on unless you say these words i need i'll never be able to let you go say you don't love me i want these words yet you keep saying "I still love and care for you" how can you hurt someone you 'love' so much how can you destroy someone you 'care for' we're perfect together you've said so yourself i'd risk everything to be with you sacrificing everything while you did nothing never giving an inch it's like you didnt care i want to be your knight your fairy tale ending to make you happy for as long as i live no one will ever understand you like i do No one will ever love you like i do If you just let me i could make you happy happier than you've ever been before but you thought i needed more you were afraid that i was getting 'attached' you're so scared of hurting me so you push me away even though that hurts most The smell of you once so sweet now is so bad i can barely stand it the sound of your voice once so angelic every time i hear it i cant help but cry I hate that you make me laugh i hate that you make me smile but most of all i hate that i could never truly hate you I hate that dispite the pain deep in my heart i hate that dispite all the tears i've cried i love you. i hate myself for loving you. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 221 [topic] => 22 [informant] => angel-1 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 7 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LostLove )
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