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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	09-June 16:49:39 AEST

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Array ( [sid] => 150920 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Choice? [time] => 2009-06-22 03:24:23 [hometext] => It is good to realize sometimes what we have in this life - the opportunty to live! [bodytext] => The weather screams my fear
The clouds gather my consciousness
And I find myself thankfully ungrateful
For a life I never chose
As far as I know.

But what if I did?
It begs the question
Why choose
This?
Rather than
That?

Perhaps I will find answers
But more likely I will not
Even care for the answer
Upon and after
Death

Too taken with my own mortality
To care about anything else than
Retain this life
I supposedly did not choose.

The weather screams and
The clouds gather
And I find myself in love:
I do not want to die.
[comments] => 2 [counter] => 227 [topic] => 21 [informant] => Cathi [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

Choice?

Contributed by Cathi on Monday, 22nd June 2009 @ 03:24:23 AM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

The weather screams my fear
The clouds gather my consciousness
And I find myself thankfully ungrateful
For a life I never chose
As far as I know.

But what if I did?
It begs the question
Why choose
This?
Rather than
That?

Perhaps I will find answers
But more likely I will not
Even care for the answer
Upon and after
Death

Too taken with my own mortality
To care about anything else than
Retain this life
I supposedly did not choose.

The weather screams and
The clouds gather
And I find myself in love:
I do not want to die.

Copyright © Cathi ... [ 2009-06-22 03:24:23]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Choice? (User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on Monday, 22nd June 2009 @ 05:36:07 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Very nice, in particular how you organized it. Possibly use a semicolon instead of a colon in the second to last line? Anyway, great poem.

Re: Choice? (User Rating: 1 )
by ming on Monday, 22nd June 2009 @ 06:24:08 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Nice...but, its kind of wordy. I would take out ALL the first words, we know you are the writer so its like all those I's are not needed. Like this;

Weather screams my fears
Clouds gather my consciousness
Thanks, but ungrateful
for this life.

What if I did...
begs the question?
Choose this
rather that?

Perhaps to find answers.
Most likely, not even
care for the answers,
upon, after death/

that next stanza baffles me? :)
but then the last;

Weather screams.
Clouds gather.
I find myself in love;
Not wanting to die.

Something like this. It has GOOD bones. Just needs messing with. My opinion only. Good work.

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