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Array ( [sid] => 152232 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Love and Pain [time] => 2009-08-13 22:14:17 [hometext] => Hey everyone... I know I haven't posted anything in here for a while but I could REALLY use some feedback on this one. It's pretty short and not as dark as some of my previous submissions. Thanks - J [bodytext] => One in the same is love and pain
A cold dense fog and driving rain
Loaded locomotive and runaway train
Crazy in love or clinically insane?

It’s all in the eye, or rather the heart
The force that so binds us and drives us apart
Like predictable chaos in free-flowing art
A synonymous antonym that ends where it starts

Must we be bound in chains to be free?
If pain is the shackle and love is the key
Then where there is one, the other must be
The solution is simple, my love, can you see?

Give me your shackles, the source of your pain
Clamp them on mine, I’ll wear both our chains
I’ll give you my love so you hold two keys
Away with them fly and you shall be free.
[comments] => 5 [counter] => 269 [topic] => 2 [informant] => ryhmenotreason [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Love and Pain

Contributed by ryhmenotreason on Thursday, 13th August 2009 @ 10:14:17 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

One in the same is love and pain
A cold dense fog and driving rain
Loaded locomotive and runaway train
Crazy in love or clinically insane?

It’s all in the eye, or rather the heart
The force that so binds us and drives us apart
Like predictable chaos in free-flowing art
A synonymous antonym that ends where it starts

Must we be bound in chains to be free?
If pain is the shackle and love is the key
Then where there is one, the other must be
The solution is simple, my love, can you see?

Give me your shackles, the source of your pain
Clamp them on mine, I’ll wear both our chains
I’ll give you my love so you hold two keys
Away with them fly and you shall be free.

Copyright Â© ryhmenotreason ... [ 2009-08-13 22:14:17]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Love and Pain (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 14th August 2009 @ 12:05:37 AM AEST
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Hmmm...what a coincidence. We both posted a poem with the word chaos so close together. Did you wear a dark blue shirt today? ;-)

Anywho, the poem.

I can't find much to critique here as I have decided I really like it. Besides, I rarely critique.

I like the rhyme scheme. I suppose it's a tad cliché in parts but I often find myself liking cliché and while I noticed a few lines seemed that way, it totally makes up for it in some sort of abstract/ambiguous way. I also like there are many references to the way love really seems at times. Especially in lines like The force that so binds us and drives us apart & Must we be bound in chains to be free? .

While it is merely my opinion, I think you did a rather god job with this and I myself like it.

Take care,

Tim

Re: Love and Pain (User Rating: 1 )
by Ambivalence on Friday, 14th August 2009 @ 12:40:43 AM AEST
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love itself is one interesting concept, i enjoyed ur written perspective of it.

"A synonymous antonym that ends where it starts" - my favorite part

take care

-K.Z.

Re: Love and Pain (User Rating: 1 )
by orphani on Friday, 14th August 2009 @ 12:26:10 PM AEST
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disagree with your premise
but find the characterization intriquing.
great flow and rithmic cadence
a 5
o

Re: Love and Pain (User Rating: 1 )
by LadyRose on Saturday, 15th August 2009 @ 07:54:44 AM AEST
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This is a beautiful poem though love is not suppose to be painful...........love endures everything,I think that pain you are writting about is masking your ability to love completely........ I stand corrected though........

LadyRose

Re: Love and Pain (User Rating: 1 )
by mrpeanut64 on Saturday, 15th August 2009 @ 06:28:45 PM AEST
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I liked it. When you open yourself up to love you are also opened up to pain.

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