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Array ( [sid] => 152990 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => for me plz prey [time] => 2009-09-08 16:10:41 [hometext] => plz comment or rate .. [bodytext] => hey ma rhymes about sadness i resume
am sittin here lookin at ma self in ma own room
misery ! am ur life time groom
and ma luck pulls me to deep in this doom
tears ma heart consume
tellin people about it doesnt work as u assume
in the other hand when i stop tellin u ma heart is close to: BOOM !!
sadness is ma perfume
when u see me smiling ,,,its just a costume
to ma heart just zoom
its yelling : ohh gimme a tomb
to help me frm this whom ?
no one ,,,,,am so deep in doom

oh god ...when will this to an end come ?
where is all this comin to ma life from?
thinkin of all this feels like hittin ma head like a drum
when i wanna speak out i get dumb
i miss the old me ....and hate wht i'v become .
frm attention i dont get a crumb
friends i have some
bt just fake ..nthin real ..just scum
dont give a ***** about me
for them am nt even worth a bum
***** it !....i cant even tell ma mum
she is buzy ..she bearly gets the time to to look at her thumb
am so stuck...like a sticky gum
its like if they put misery on ma life cords and keep on the strum
to taste happiness its like : YUM YUM !
i cant stop talkin and complainin
and when i do ....my head sounds a hum

i didnt ask to be a champ !
do i need to pull ma life together a clamp ?!?!
somthin has changed in me ....like if moved over a ramp
broken heart is ma stamp
ma life might be worse than a tramp
each time am cheerd up happy ready to leave it all and start again
smtin comes up right ahead .....and just damp !!
i wont be forced happy ...even if it to ma heart u tamp !

hey !
that wasnt just emotions to display !
it was more
to slay me u may
bt for one last time listen to wht i say
nt just hear
and the least u could do for me ..is to prey

[comments] => 3 [counter] => 321 [topic] => 32 [informant] => hetlerkh [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )

for me plz prey

Contributed by hetlerkh on Tuesday, 8th September 2009 @ 04:10:41 PM in AEST
Topic: SadPoetry

hey ma rhymes about sadness i resume
am sittin here lookin at ma self in ma own room
misery ! am ur life time groom
and ma luck pulls me to deep in this doom
tears ma heart consume
tellin people about it doesnt work as u assume
in the other hand when i stop tellin u ma heart is close to: BOOM !!
sadness is ma perfume
when u see me smiling ,,,its just a costume
to ma heart just zoom
its yelling : ohh gimme a tomb
to help me frm this whom ?
no one ,,,,,am so deep in doom

oh god ...when will this to an end come ?
where is all this comin to ma life from?
thinkin of all this feels like hittin ma head like a drum
when i wanna speak out i get dumb
i miss the old me ....and hate wht i'v become .
frm attention i dont get a crumb
friends i have some
bt just fake ..nthin real ..just scum
dont give a ***** about me
for them am nt even worth a bum
***** it !....i cant even tell ma mum
she is buzy ..she bearly gets the time to to look at her thumb
am so stuck...like a sticky gum
its like if they put misery on ma life cords and keep on the strum
to taste happiness its like : YUM YUM !
i cant stop talkin and complainin
and when i do ....my head sounds a hum

i didnt ask to be a champ !
do i need to pull ma life together a clamp ?!?!
somthin has changed in me ....like if moved over a ramp
broken heart is ma stamp
ma life might be worse than a tramp
each time am cheerd up happy ready to leave it all and start again
smtin comes up right ahead .....and just damp !!
i wont be forced happy ...even if it to ma heart u tamp !

hey !
that wasnt just emotions to display !
it was more
to slay me u may
bt for one last time listen to wht i say
nt just hear
and the least u could do for me ..is to prey

Copyright Â© hetlerkh ... [ 2009-09-08 16:10:41]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: for me plz prey (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Tuesday, 8th September 2009 @ 04:45:18 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I'm sorry, but I have to be honest here, this was extremely difficult for me to read. The whole thing was full of spelling mistakes and punctuation errors and the abbrevations are awful!

Please, lose the text-talk, it doesn't take a lot to write out your words fully and it would make your writing a lot easier to read and make it look more professional.

At the end of the day, this isn't a poem, it's a long text message, and this is a poetry site.

It's a shame, because there is a good rhyme in there and with a little effort, you could really make this a lot better.

That's my honest opinion.

Phil

Re: for me plz prey (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Tuesday, 8th September 2009 @ 08:42:50 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hun,

this is the second poem I have read of yours today, and again I will repeat myself with what I said on my first comment.

I will again mirror everything Phill just stated, she and I are on the same page here.

So again I will say, please take this and rewrite it, do it the same, except, spell out the words, and do away with the slang.

I agree with Phill, there is a poem in the midst of this, rework it, show us what you have! We all know you can write a poem!
Show us!

Hugs
Michelle

Re: for me plz prey (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 11th September 2009 @ 12:33:57 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

That's what she said... chat=text message, not poetry.

Don't ask for comments or rating unless you're ready for the comment or rating.

The word is "pray", not prey in this context.

Main Entry: pray
Pronunciation: ˈprā
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French prier, praer, preier, from Latin precari, from prec-, prex request, prayer; akin to Old High German frāga question, frāgēn to ask, Sanskrit pṛcchati he asks
Date: 13th century
transitive verb 1 : entreat, implore —often used as a function word in introducing a question, request, or plea
2 : to get or bring by prayingintransitive verb 1 : to make a request in a humble manner
2 : to address God or a god with adoration, confession, supplication, or thanksgiving

Main Entry: 1prey
Pronunciation: ˈprā
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural prey also preys
Etymology: Middle English preie, from Anglo-French, from Latin praeda; akin to Latin prehendere to grasp, seize — more at get
Date: 13th century
1 archaic : spoil, booty
2 a : an animal taken by a predator as food b : one that is helpless or unable to resist attack : victim
3 : the act or habit of preying

Dictionary.... *sigh* never mind

Take care,

Tim

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