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Array ( [sid] => 15625 [catid] => 1 [aid] => Mick [title] => Blackbird [time] => 2003-04-05 23:05:00 [hometext] => This was a poem about a bird I saw. [bodytext] => Hail blackbird,
your feathers beating in the sky.
Your beautiful head and
strong proud neck.
You soar.
I soar with you.
You are independant.

I come the next day and see you
you rotten scavenger
you're ugly
black feathers
you must be a curse
get away!
You hurt my eyes.
Go eat maggoty food,
you clump of tar!

I'm sorry
I was angry.
Yesterday, they took him away from me
You're right
You're beatiful.
Your feather shine, and you maintain the earth.
You are strong, I am not.
I try to believe that I will not crumble.
Everyone says that they will survive.
Not me.
Fly away, i'm in my misery.
Don't let my misery get to you.
You're an inspiration.
I may call you a maggot, but you don't care
Turn around, look me in the eye
Say a squak as you say good bye,
King of birds [comments] => 2 [counter] => 158 [topic] => 48 [informant] => DunWonSonita [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Blackbird

Contributed by DunWonSonita on Saturday, 5th April 2003 @ 11:05:00 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Hail blackbird,
your feathers beating in the sky.
Your beautiful head and
strong proud neck.
You soar.
I soar with you.
You are independant.

I come the next day and see you
you rotten scavenger
you're ugly
black feathers
you must be a curse
get away!
You hurt my eyes.
Go eat maggoty food,
you clump of tar!

I'm sorry
I was angry.
Yesterday, they took him away from me
You're right
You're beatiful.
Your feather shine, and you maintain the earth.
You are strong, I am not.
I try to believe that I will not crumble.
Everyone says that they will survive.
Not me.
Fly away, i'm in my misery.
Don't let my misery get to you.
You're an inspiration.
I may call you a maggot, but you don't care
Turn around, look me in the eye
Say a squak as you say good bye,
King of birds

Copyright © DunWonSonita ... [ 2003-04-05 23:05:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Blackbird (User Rating: 1 )
by Good_King_Bragi on Thursday, 24th April 2003 @ 05:16:44 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

What a beautiful piece. It conveys well the paradox of how blackbirds actually live and are perceived by humans.

Re: Blackbird (User Rating: 1 )
by banjo on Thursday, 24th April 2003 @ 01:06:17 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Isn't it funny or strange how something can change overnight when all that has really changed is us. Nice work addressing that topic.

I like the strong, forceful, at times commanding tone of the first two stanzas -- Hail Blackbird, you hurt my eyes; my favorite line is "You clump of tar!" Maybe you could push that tone, make it stronger at points...more consistent.

The third stanza feels loose... I wonder if it could be condensed. If you could only keep half of the lines which ones would you keep -- and would it be a better poem tight like that? Would it compel you to write more lines? I guess the point isn't fewer lines, but every line a necessary one.

Good work, keep writing!

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