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Stone Fox
Contributed by
clayman
on
Saturday, 9th January 2010 @ 06:18:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
You sit
smiling in the globule,
bleeding through the crack
in the aged wax that keeps
my conscience tame,
pointing at the roses
smeared my feet.
Crowding overtones
amongst things lilac
and tangerine
I compress
to form my frail
knotted ladder
of escape -
a continuation of you,
unjaded and short lived
with happy eyes
and relaxed shoulders.
I run to the edge
of solitude's crest,
always finding you there.
You dance with the phoenix,
Invulnerable and distant
as silence inevitable
between guilty lips,
haunt me.
My silent war
- a red carpet
of crushed glass
I dance upon
to watch
the cracks grow,
setting you free...
Time is a stone fox
running away from us.
-Svw
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Copyright ©
clayman
... [
2010-01-09 06:18:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stone Fox
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 20th January 2010 @ 04:13:53 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I loved the expression in this poem. I was really into it and you really had me until the last two lines which just seemed to end your poem weeker than it had been set up. By no means am i criticising, and i'm no expert either, but perhaps phrased differently it would fit. Keep writing more. |
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