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Array
(
[sid] => 15762
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => I Just Want To Watch You Die
[time] => 2003-04-11 12:05:00
[hometext] => realization (finally) of what it is that i really want
[bodytext] => the flower of misery
in full bloom again each petal full of pain the sweet nectar of agony savored and devoured the winds of mourning blow spreading the seeds of sorrow which will grow into bouquets of woe this cycle never ends so much noise inside my head full blast static between my ears interwoven with screams and cries it's been like this for years issues tower over me like ageless dead trees i haven't the nerve to chop them down and move on so i hide deep within the forest to escape the damnable trees beauty inspires virtue virtue leads to war war will always end in death therefore, beauty leads to death Coma creeps in grasping at my mind and i sleep for lack of stimulation wake up in time for the End of Days dancing to the tune of the death rattle of the world collective cacophony of shrieks finally, everyone else can hear what i have heard for so long i guess that's what i wanted all along for every living being to de-evolve into what i've become just to shut the mouth of every grinning fool who spouted "tough it out" or "it can't be that bad" for these idiots to be hurtled down this path stumbling, alone, towards some mind-breaking climax something that would burn their faith alive and leave them quivering in the husks of their former securities i want to see all of them breakdown collapsing under an unimaginable emotional load lying on the bleeding ground of every assurance they took for granted gasping, as every sensation bleeds away only to be replaced with unfathomable woe an unquenchable masochism that leaves them damning the pain they feel yet unable to survive without it and i will stroll up to them as they lie twitching in the cold dead pool of their former "reality" and i will smile sympathetically i will extend a "helping hand" and when they grin madly with gratitude i will kick them in the face show them both middle fingers and "lovingly" beat them half to death with every tired slogan they spewed at me and then i will sit on the crumbling foundation of their hope watching, as they descend into madness and when their desperation reaches it's zenith i will snatch away their razors their nooses their pistols their sleeping pills and watch as death denies them watch, as they denounce their gods and chew madly at their own wrists perhaps then, my smile will return and i will laugh again perhaps their slogans weren't all ***** only half truths instead of "toughing it out" all i needed was to "wait it out" and when all around me are screaming and crying i'll be singing the same old song it's not that big of a deal that you're dying because you've been dead all along [comments] => 4 [counter] => 164 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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