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Array
(
[sid] => 16003
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Happiness
[time] => 2003-04-14 22:05:00
[hometext] => Uhh . . . i'm a depressed lonely teenager. but who isn't!
[bodytext] => Hundreds of people, all staring at me, but yet there is no one. I love the one who hasn’t come for me yet, I don’t know his face or his name, but he will show me the way to contentment and assurance. If only I knew where to search for him. Many a men I thought was he. I gave them my heart,
and these false dreams fed off of it in fury and now I have nothing left to give, which I fear will dissatisfy him. Like the hand-me-down toys you get from your older siblings, I am used and broken. I scream at the thought that he will no longer want me, that I am tainted with hate and sin. Will I forever immerse deeper in the loneliness of the world, or will we find each other? I feel he is looking for me to, searching and needing. Hoping as I am that we can find each other? Or has he already found me, and felt dissatisfied with which I am, and moved on in search of another, who will not wrong him as I have. Perhaps I was never meant for someone. Perhaps I was destined to be in the dark emptiness until my life has gone. And I shall not live on in the memories of those who thought they knew me, I will just disappear without a thought or care of another in the vast emptiness of my dead and forgotten world. Happiness truly is a bare and mischievous thought. It will not come to those who have toiled for it’s false beauty. It’s rich innocence, which has not yet been savored by any tormented heart. When you think you find happiness, you only realize it is artificial, and unforgiving of your foolish belief. It tears at you like a rigid knife cutting down your flesh with no cease to its own pleasure of your pain. My search for happiness is killing me, a slow torturing and agonizing death. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 205 [topic] => 39 [informant] => Lylah-Rose [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )
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