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Array ( [sid] => 165548 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Freedoom [time] => 2011-03-30 02:15:00 [hometext] => Revolution, Freedom, War, Oppotunity, 1st Poem [bodytext] => Dark whispers hear the one who's thoughts are whispered
Of those in battle torn and blistered
Among these men, brothers unite
Fighting since early morning light
Questions are raised on grisly days
Were so many loose there life

But in the same part of town 10 years on
Children skip and sing melodic songs
This nation is free of iron fist rule
People cry, people laugh, people go to school

Simple pleasures denied to a large percentage of the world
All for the glory and power of the twisted and twirled

Unite as one and people will see
This world can be a place we all long to be

[comments] => 4 [counter] => 207 [topic] => 65 [informant] => dsparkes [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => toughstuff )

Freedoom

Contributed by dsparkes on Wednesday, 30th March 2011 @ 02:15:00 AM in AEST
Topic: toughstuff

Dark whispers hear the one who's thoughts are whispered
Of those in battle torn and blistered
Among these men, brothers unite
Fighting since early morning light
Questions are raised on grisly days
Were so many loose there life

But in the same part of town 10 years on
Children skip and sing melodic songs
This nation is free of iron fist rule
People cry, people laugh, people go to school

Simple pleasures denied to a large percentage of the world
All for the glory and power of the twisted and twirled

Unite as one and people will see
This world can be a place we all long to be

Copyright © dsparkes ... [ 2011-03-30 02:15:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Freedoom (User Rating: 1 )
by huwbeauty on Wednesday, 30th March 2011 @ 02:48:51 AM AEST
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Very interesting,well written especially for your first poem.

Re: Freedoom (User Rating: 1 )
by UNORTHODOX on Wednesday, 30th March 2011 @ 12:09:42 PM AEST
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In this passage are pointed out some hard facts of life
freedom does have it's price war does have it's place
and oppurtunity and revolution go hand in hand
we must unite to reach those who have not
the simple freedoms we enjoy
well written

-UNORTHODOX

Re: Freedoom (User Rating: 1 )
by dsparkes on Thursday, 31st March 2011 @ 02:49:17 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Thanks for the feedback.
Hoping for a heap of feedback.

Can you recommend any other sites, that poetry follows can read and post about people stuff.

Cheers

Re: Freedoom (User Rating: 1 )
by Banjosandwitch on Thursday, 31st March 2011 @ 06:45:37 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

a good first write try different styles till you feel yer this is my voice is my advice

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