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My Baby Sister's Murderer.
Contributed by
Damian
on
Friday, 20th July 2012 @ 09:53:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
Im so sick of hiding this pain for so long
Its not right, why does it make me feel wrong?
Surely we are all free to our own perspective view,
Without being scared to say it, in fear of being beaten blue
Of being punched and hit, for what you think is right
Its enough to make the strongest scream and run in flight.
To be scared to leave the house
Because when you do, they step on you like a mouse
To hear them whisper words about how its your fault she died
What they bring out is all this guilt and pain I have inside
Til im left with no pride, and no one to confide
And im forced to turn my back and hide
Because I know its my fault, im the first to admit
Thats why when they start to strike, I take it and submit
I hope they beat me, and send me far beyond
To a place where the sunlight looks just as good in the reflected pond
And I place where I see you again
Where I see my sister, and what she looked like when she died, aged ten
Youre the one that keeps me going sister
You were always such a listener
You were so beautiful, you were too young
I remember at the funeral, how it felt to have a tied tongue
No words would come, yet the tears would flow
And I hoped that to everyone this would show
That I take all the blame
I carry all the shame
I hurt everyday with the pain unseen
How I wish I could be just the normal teen
At least your living, you have a tomorrow
The only thing my tomorrow brings, is another load of painful sorrow
What you dont know is I was the driver of that car
And laid across all life, this hideous scar
I KILLED HER, ITS ALL MY FAULT
I WAS THE ONE THAT ENDED HER LIFE IN SUCH A HIDEOUS HALT
I still remember the moment, as we laid in the mess
Wondering if this was some barrier, a gods form of test
As your hand slipped from mine
And you looked in my eyes as you told me
Its your time to shine
And then you left me, all alone and so depressed
And the tears flowed so strong, from all I had suppressed
My family hate me, of course they do
They know that its my fault, and its so true
I will never forget the hate in dads eyes
The pain and blame in him as he started to rise
Then he hit me, and kicked me, so many, so hard
All this in the day of my sisters funeral
In the place she laid to rest, in the churchyard.
See I can take the abuse of all those people,
I pray for my forgiveness at every steeple
What hurts me the most is when my father joins in
The one man who taught me never to sin
Every hit seemed like my world was tumbling
And with nothing to reach for I was left stumbling
I wish I would have died that night
Then I would not be here to face this impossible fight
The fight for survival on every corner I turn
Im left splitting in my own heart, like the leaves of a fern
Now I stand in the rain as it wastes me away
I take to one knee and beg and pray
To my lost baby sister, who could have had the world
Who is to tell your story now your lips remain furled?
Forgive me please; I hate myself for what I did
I am a murderer of my sister, while she was only a kid
She now flourishes in heaven with the other kids that have fallen
It still hurts, most nights I swear I hear you calling
Calling out my name for help because youre stuck
But im the one that created this mess, so we are out of luck
And im forced to watch you pass again in the world of dreams
Its reality that when comes around, isnt real to what it seems
Ill find you baby sister, and hold your hand again
And when this happens nothing can take you off me, not even 1 million men
Im so sorry, this was never to be your fate
I deserve everything I get, I deserve everyones hate
I let the closest thing I ever had down,
And left you wearing a broken crown
In a land where broken things are all that are whole
The first second I saw you, it was my heart you stole
My little sister, id protect forever
And always teach her to be clever
Now look where we are, were at the end of the road
Heres the story of your death, its such a big load
Im a murderer, someone kill me
It would do me a favour, and set my spirit free
Copyright ©
Damian
... [
2012-07-20 09:53:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Baby Sister's Murderer.
(User Rating: 1 )
by deusdeira on
Friday, 20th July 2012 @ 01:34:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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You may be many things, but you are no murderer. Murder starts with intent. It sounds to me like you need to go somewhere far away from your family, and fast. Humans seek a scapegoat, and while you may have been driving the car, everyone deserves a second chance, especially when they have such strong feelings of remorse and regret.
You need to be surrounded by people that understand you are in as much pain as they are... or worse. I know this situation well. I know what I am talking about. If they really love you, they will come around, and realize your self-guilt is bigger than any punishment they can serve you. |
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Re: My Baby Sister's Murderer.
(User Rating: 1 )
by soulsongs on
Saturday, 21st July 2012 @ 08:53:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well stated, deusdeira. I strongly agree.
Damian, it is up to you to help yourself because no one else will. Please find a way to forgive yourself so you can move forward. Your sister has already forgiven you. |
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Re: My Baby Sister's Murderer.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on
Saturday, 21st July 2012 @ 04:37:15 PM AEST
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Damian,
First and foremost, you are not a murderer, like previously said in another comment, Murder is with intent to kill. What ever happened, is so unfortunate for your sister and for you. It is obvious that you so dearly loved your sister, but i believe everything happens for reason and sometimes it is reasons we may not know or understand. You need to be strong and find forgiveness within yourself, because you never meant harm.
This poem you have written with a story of how you feel is indeed very sad, but also the most beautiful poem i have ever read. This poem shares so much feeling of what you and your sister had. Please hang on to the memories of your sister, but release the guilt you have built up inside. Your sister would not want you to feel this way as i am sure she loved you very much.
Take care of yourself and keep on writing as it helps us to open up our feelings so they are not bottled up inside.
Wayne |
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Re: My Baby Sister's Murderer.
(User Rating: 1 )
by LauranHyde on
Tuesday, 24th July 2012 @ 11:25:13 PM AEST
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Your talent is beyond amazing, the words you use to describe. the feeling you place into your poetry is more then just a few emotions.
Never give this up. your brilliant! |
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Re: My Baby Sister's Murderer.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crimson on
Monday, 30th July 2012 @ 04:05:08 AM AEST
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| no poem has ever made me cry more than 3 tears...exept this one. you probably dont want this advice but here it is anyway. just remember her as she was, and her spirit will never die. to be forgotten is to truly disapear, and i find it hard to remember the good when you are focusing on the bad. and realy, it wasn't your fault. your not a murderor. and i truly believe that. |
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