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Array ( [sid] => 174706 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Fututre Given [time] => 2013-01-02 15:25:06 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Our Reality is breaking
And Inside my head
My conscience is screaming
Asking for help before it is dead

With my mind ready to ignite
I breath in the shadow
That hides from the light
In the darkness so shallow

And see past the hopes that will never happen
And dreams that won't come true
Lies a future given
Only to a few

Cause if it can't be mine
Then others I may help to see
The sun rise over the shore line
So bright and lovely
[comments] => 1 [counter] => 101 [topic] => 55 [informant] => lonelywolf04 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => dedicatedpoems )

The Fututre Given

Contributed by lonelywolf04 on Wednesday, 2nd January 2013 @ 03:25:06 PM in AEST
Topic: dedicatedpoems

Our Reality is breaking
And Inside my head
My conscience is screaming
Asking for help before it is dead

With my mind ready to ignite
I breath in the shadow
That hides from the light
In the darkness so shallow

And see past the hopes that will never happen
And dreams that won't come true
Lies a future given
Only to a few

Cause if it can't be mine
Then others I may help to see
The sun rise over the shore line
So bright and lovely

Copyright © lonelywolf04 ... [ 2013-01-02 15:25:06]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Fututre Given (User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on Thursday, 26th February 2015 @ 07:03:51 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Okay, This is what i was trying to point out. There is a more even flow to this poem and is much easier to read. Usually this is what helps grasp a reader and keeps them reading your poem. If a reader gets confused when reading a poem, usually they will just turn the page. Very good write. Keep it up.

Wayne

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