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Array
(
[sid] => 176105
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Consumed
[time] => 2013-05-21 11:17:48
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I feel numbness, theres nothing.... Not for the moment. Nor after the moment. Not when the dust has settled, no... Only when I am settled.... When I am comfortable. When I am quiet. When I am alone..... When I lay my head to seek a moments rest. That is when i jolt myself up. In an instant, from tired preparedness. From resignation to the obvious that sleep, Is inevitable. From that to insomnia, as if a child, Frightened of lightning flashing at the window. Shaken from dreams, to live a nightmare percieved. It creeps. Slowly at first, not from the stomach. From the place behind the stomach. It moves up. Under the heart and as it does my adrenaline rages. It comes out my solar plexus and once again up... over my chest and towards my shoulders, Circling as a python, tighter around my throat. Now it is heat, and it penetrates the back of my neck, Like a parasite burrowing in. I punch the air, feeling no resistance I strike the bed. Feeling no pain I strike the wall. Now it is ready to show itself to me. It is a mirror before me. Within it my eyes are not my eyes. Thought is a concept beyond comprehension, And I am deaf to the world around me. Only the sound of my breathe comes through. And like the rocking of a cradle it calms me. My soul aches a moment. Disappointed in my own weakness, I feel sorrow, Contempt toward emotion. What little anger i have left burns away. My hands lay by my knees, my knees are on the floor. My neck ajar as my shoulders hunch and I lean. My existence has become a burden. My head hurts....But at least its something. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 89 [topic] => 61 [informant] => MickyTwo1984 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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