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Array
(
[sid] => 179287
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => No Release
[time] => 2014-09-16 03:50:34
[hometext] => Just found this. I'm sure it was written in the last 8 months
[bodytext] => Huge dark waves filled with despair Crashing into my soul Drowning, can't breathe swallowing the darkness filling my eyes with rage my body vibrates with too many emotions. Crying to lash out release my rage and darkness fear, resentment and anger. Confusion sets in, throwing chaos everywhere. No relief, no escape, no peace. Every day is harder than the next. Too many hurt feelings, I can't let go. I believe words have power. Temper out of control, Losing my ability to contain myself. Scared, angry, Always ready to defend myself. Feeling helpless and utterly worthless besides taking care of kids. That I get no break from. I'm going insane. I get no break. Full of despair. I bear resentment that turns to anger. So so full of anger all the time. I need a release and I'm not allowed one. I don't deserve one because I don't have a real job. Yeah, being a mom and a housewife isn't a job. There is no appreciation for what I do. I feel used while he has freedom. I am so jealous I make myself sick. I don't want to be in my own skin anymore. The frustration is constant and my little one has a horrible attitude lately! I feel totally smothered lately with no air to breathe and no one will hear or listen to me. Like my opinions don't matter or count for anything. I'm good for child care and paperwork/ Go me, I'm almost invisible! [comments] => 3 [counter] => 228 [topic] => 61 [informant] => fairiepsycho [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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