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Array
(
[sid] => 180930
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => secrets of love
[time] => 2015-04-05 11:40:29
[hometext] => its a letter but still poetic, i was looking for feedback.
[bodytext] => Dear Evie. I don’t know what to call them, they are the spaces between seconds- and I think of you always in those intervals. You might wonder if that sentence is exaggerated. I can answer, by saying, “I don’t Feel like it is.” I think of you every day. Admittedly I have had a little assistance; I have on the surface a reminder, but (Still Water Runs Deep!) Yes, I have (your sign) tattooed on my chest. So any time I’m shirtless, wearing a tank- top, taking a shower, working out, or at night before bed and each morning when waking up; I see it and remember us. I’m proud of it and comforted by it! It reminds me of when I was happiest in time and place with moments I absolutely hold dear and cherish. It’s become a stubborn thing I hold sacred. It’s an Article of Faith. Everyone asks about it Friends, football players, students, people at the gym, and of course, girlfriends. Each time I answer, it’s perceived one of two ways. Either I’m baring my heart, or bearing a burden. When explaining (what it stands for) the first part of the answer is always the same “it represents a time when I was most happy with someone I love very much, who I have lost.” People are always more curious about it after I tell them because on the one hand it seems like each day without you/love is tormenting (a death by a thousand cuts.) but on the other hand everyone understands its meaning to me; it’s more than a memory (it’s a solace place, I seek refuge in). Its rear for me to express myself with thoughtful, soft and suggestive feelings, so when I explain the emotional odyssey, the commitment to the never ending journey, the epic quest in search for what has evaded me for so long, people look at me quite foreign and resign there initial perceptions. Empathetically the question always follows, “who is this person that you still love so much?” the story becomes the questioners Cliffhanger, a story with an unwritten end a story of hope against all hopes and for a moment they become the faces in the crowd, the fans cheering the story on. I have always loved you and the Tattoo is a Keep sake, a time-capsule, that houses that love. But over the years it’s become much more it’s become the benchmark or standards, that which, love should live up to. And every day I try to define what love is, the rules in which it operates, and how to healthily sustain it. What is love? Love is a crazy thing, I think of love in relation to positivity. Love is a magical thing. It is a complex thing, but also simple. Love makes you feel good. It does so many things, but at the most basic level, love makes you feel uplifted, happy and positive. Love changes the inner chemistry of our bodies. It raises our oxytocin and progesterone levels, which is a biological response linking lifelong bonds, trust, and intimacy. Love is literally a surge of positivity within us. Love like anything else has components; individual pieces, that work in synergy to create something that can be relied upon, trusted, enjoyed, and appreciated. Here are my examples of making love healthy, rewarding, and a finished product…..each of the nine I experienced with you, only with you, and still experience it to this day when I think of you. 1) Interest, You have to be interested in a person to care about them. Think about it; I’ve only seen you three times, briefly, and look at all it’s given me. The proof is written on these pages. I found every word you spoke, every facial expression you gave, every laugh you made enchanting. The fact that even in your long absence I still feel this way is evidence enough of how interested I am in you. 2) Amusement, The anticipation of the promising day with you was all I needed. Every day with you was like an amusement parks roller-coaster, you didn’t know what exciting and thrilling turn was coming next. And who cared I was there enjoying it with you, as long as I was next to you I had this excitement reeling inside me. 3) Joy, the times I spent with you were uplifting in ways I have never experienced. As I said they still lift me up to this day. 4) Hope, being with you raised the bar for hope, it gave me Greater Expectations. 5) Serenity (Evinity) My favorite! Serenity is when you get to that point with another person when, no matter what, you feel a sense of peace when you’re with that person. Every time I think of you I still smile and experience a happy sense of peace. 6) Gratitude, I am extremely grateful to have had the time with you I had. It changed my beliefs, it widened my views, it shrank my fears, and encouraged growth. 7) Pride, I am proud of you and take pride in knowing who you truly are at your core and proud of the positivity it encourages. I could spend a life time showing you off and that sense of pride would never tarnish or dull. You give the simplest things significant meaning. I think this letter is a testament to that. 8) Inspiration, as with hope, in our interactions you inspired me to broaden may expectations. The things I thought made me happy before Washington paled in comparison when I left Washington. Happiness became very real and concrete with you. It was tangible and no longer an abstract thing. You inspired me to reconsider my “happiness.” It’s a standard which nothing since has lived up to. 9) Awe, the word awe was probably developed specifically to describe the impact of love, they are definitely linked. It is crazy to meet and find someone that fits so perfectly with you, every moment we shared is a retrievable memory of Awe for me. Everything I have written are aspects of love, and you’re responsible for my confidence that love exist. It originated from within you; and I carry it with me still. I’m reminding you or maybe telling you for the first time that your qualities brings out the best to those looking for it. My memories of us and the moments we shared, however long ago, still exist and travel on their own, through time and space. They are never ending, will always be, and will never change. I can’t, in good conscience, go without address what you may think is the elephant in the room. And so as a final judgment: (I know it was right). If all that I have expressed is wrong by someone’s measure then that’s sad. If we are meant to be free and love; then for me, our time was just that. And I will defend us, and all that belongs, to that end. I don’t know what your plans, goals, hopes, and dreams are moving forward, but I do know that everyone you know and have yet to meet are all worse off; because, you have choose not to share the wonder your able to bring to this world. You have been suppressing yourself from it through drugs and isolation. That’s unacceptable for now on. The only reason that makes sense to me, as to why you would drug yourself and isolate yourself, is because you feel like there has been to many mistakes and guilt torments you. So to that I will tell you we all know the indignity, and the disgrace, the humility, and the compromising of personal morals one surrenders to in a life of drugs. I know you have been to terrible, self-destructive, abusive, and violating places. That won’t discourage love however; it will only harden its resolve. Love will shelter and protect you. If you need my love it is here. It would be an unloving act to entice it somewhere it doesn’t belong. Love is the ultimate act of free will. My intent is not to entice only to let you know that a deep loving connection has not been standing still it’s been restless and free flowing all this years. My love for you should remind and reassure you, regardless of anything reflecting in the rearview mirror, you are purity, beauty, innocence, virtue and elegance living in motion. Living in motion, moving forward, are both important verbs to notice. Time is gradually and gently carrying you forward freeing you from the past that will soon be long forgotten. Love Mathieu. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 239 [topic] => 22 [informant] => Mathieu [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LostLove )
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