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Array
(
[sid] => 23432
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => FIRST ABANDONMENT
[time] => 2003-09-18 10:05:00
[hometext] => ....for the mother that raised the proper daughter..........
[bodytext] => I would ask you why you never ran. I would ask what it felt like to be you back then..... your mind growing dark.... your spirit emptying.... void of any positives.... your body wracked by excesses. I would ask what revenge feels like.... revenge past the point of retribution. I would ask what reckless.... carefree and selfish felt like. I would ask you what it felt like to be important.... in your service to country.... the finality of one moment of pride from a distanced family..... important in an important man's bed.... then please tell me how did his betrayal feel.... your breakdown.... what darkness enveloped your mind. I would ask you what disgrace feels like.... forced into a union of mockery ending in a devastated existence. I would ask what it felt like to have your freedom suspended.... life suspended... ripped apart because of circumstances..... your life of circumstances. I would ask you how..... how did you live the rest of your years knowing a part of you was accessible to all others but to you.... what possessed you to bring another into your world without benefit of normalcy. I would ask why you would give the pedastal if you were not to retain ownership... for ages I was yours only.... all you ever needed..... I was your everything...... your all......... all you ever did was let others have control... turning your head just to get through........ not seeing is not believing............ grateful and ignorant by choice. I would ask you how could one profess protection then continue to relenquish to evil over and over and over......... beyond comprehension. I would ask you why I was never a priority...... never again enough..... enough to take me past evil into peace... safety.... I used to be enough. I would ask you what I did wrong. I would ask once your eyes recognized the truth.... and the loss.... did your heart as well. I would ask you if your efforts to leave came too late. I would ask what it felt like to watch me grow away.... never saying you were sorry. I would ask if it was easier to pass over knowing she forgave you of a past and its' actions beyond your control. I would ask you if you knew what it felt like to never be apologized to.... for a lifetime of missed prevention. I would ask you if you knew in the end.... did you know I was not there.... or did it only matter in the absence of another. I would ask you if your endeavor to visit me in the light was to comfort..... or to warn of heartache to follow. I would ask if you were waiting for her.... easing her transition.... did you walk in her garden..... teach the soul to be free once again. I would ask you do you miss me..... as I would only hope..... know to be true. I would ask you if you heard me when I said I forgive you.... [comments] => 5 [counter] => 181 [topic] => 13 [informant] => jaeann [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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