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Outcast
Contributed by
p0rnstar
on
Thursday, 4th December 2003 @ 09:18:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
i hate them all the way they stop and stare
silent words they speak to my soul that is bare
forgotten in this world a thief of solitude
collectively burning forming the mutitude
my footsteps echo off the cold hearts of the hateful
tearing me open ripping my soul that is truthful
drizzle from the night numbs my exposed skin
causes me to feel the chill outward and within
hearing laughter like a mocking child years away
chasing me from the past forward into this day
yesterday was today my future will repeat my past
seeking the elusive pause for one day forever to last
for time to be frozen in place by a hidden strange force
to give me another chance to set my life back on course
i am a painter without a brush a singer without a voice
condemned for being born this way it sure as hell wasn't a choice
Copyright ©
p0rnstar
... [
2003-12-04 21:18:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Outcast
(User Rating: 1 )
by TundraHydra on
Thursday, 4th December 2003 @ 09:59:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Sounds like you met the reality of the world today. Keep up the great writes. |
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Re: Outcast
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Thursday, 4th December 2003 @ 11:20:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Well, when i said dejected poets were terminally typical, i didn't know how true i was.
This poem...narrative? the rhyme and meter don't match up, and the way it's so long-winded, it would be better if it did.
Granted, short poems can get away with have about no rythm at all, and Haikus (which i refuse to write) have no rythm (and many times meaning either). You speak upon a notion that is well-revealed to me. I know it true, i know the pain, the dark reality.
"A world of dreams is shattered glass; Fragmented remains of nostalgic past."
~Eternity's Lyre |
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Re: Outcast
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrystalSilence on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 12:43:54 AM AEST
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Forget all that ripping your write apart with good intentions on how it should have been penned..geez..This is a personal write!! I appreciate you sharing and think you have expressed yourself excellently.
Brilliant lines everywhere!!
You have talent girl.
CS
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Re: Outcast
(User Rating: 1 )
by P0rNStAr on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 07:25:20 AM AEST
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| Thanks CS and i agree its my write and its not just a poem but my feelings so that guy who keeps dissing needs to F--- off??? |
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Re: Outcast
(User Rating: 1 )
by PunkD on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 07:47:46 AM AEST
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| i agree with CrystalSilence good write and who gives a .... what eternityslyre says did anyone even understand that lolz |
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Re: Outcast
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 12:45:24 PM AEST
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I don't see eternitys point once again. I thought this was very good. Well written and I agree with CS great lines everywhere. I liked this ecspecially 'to give me another chance to set my life back on course
i am a painter without a brush a singer without a voice
condemned for being born this way it sure as hell wasn't a choice' I liked how it was written. |
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