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Array
(
[sid] => 33816
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Crying Alone
[time] => 2004-02-04 13:35:11
[hometext] => I lost it a bit at the end, cos I started crying and my fingers took over
[bodytext] => sometimes it feels like I'm unloved, It hurts me so bad, I fall to my knees, They say that I'm stupid I say please look at me Cant you see that I'm not coping, I'm falling to my knees begging for mercy, I'm crying out loud, and nobody listens, I'm trying to be alive I try to tell you, but you wont listen, You say that everythings gonna be fine, You dont know the truth about me, And I dont think I could ever tell you I'm a liar and I'm decietful, Not because I'm mean, because I cant trust, I dont know where I am in this world, All I know is that my pain is my survival I'm sitting here, trying to explain to you, These feelings I'm feeling are hurting you, You dont understand but I know you care, Just listen for a second, and condem my life These tears are for my lost childhood, There for your torture and you misuse, I know you think you raised me right, But then why do I cry alone at night Sometimes I wish I could open up, But I cant, because I dont want to hurt you, Sometimes I wish that I could just die, But I dont want to, I dont wanna hurt you I bare so much everysingle day, This secret is killing me, Oh why wont it go away, Just want to forget what happened to me But I cant because it still invades my dreams, I dont want these images in my head, Tried to cut them out with a knife, Didn't work, and I'm still dead Nobody understands me, and it hurts, Just listen to me, I got something to say, I'm sitting in my room, with a knife in my hand, Rocking back and forth, I'm so scared, I'm so frightened about what I've become It hurts me, these tears flow down, I'm crying alone, even as I type, So much to get it out Dont know if I should try I'm so sorry for the way I am, So sorry for what I did, What I allowed to be done, I'm so sorry It hurts me, and when I cut, I take control of my life again, Feelings of pleasure pour out, And I feel human again But none of this matters, Because I'm not telling you, I cant because I love you, I'm just sitting here crying alone, I'm so stuck I dont know what to do, I dont know how to explain How I'm so very afraid, How I cant stop these feelings, How I'm losing control, And I'm sorry I'm not so perfect, I'm sorry I'm so flawed, I'm sorry about what happened to me, I'm sorry for being me, I cant stop it anymore, These tears wont stop comming I'm sorry At this point I just wanted to say How does it feel to have a wacko for a son Please listen to me, I'm not gonna tell, But please listen I'm so scared right now, I'm so scared Somethings happening to me, Something inside, I dont know if I can hide, Please listen to me, I need help and I dont want to be alone When I cry When I die [comments] => 4 [counter] => 254 [topic] => 48 [informant] => alecfernadez [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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