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Array
(
[sid] => 34821
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => defeated
[time] => 2004-02-13 01:12:14
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => in my mouth like tainted blood the taste of the defeat that i never even considered not once did i imagine that i could lose never thought i'd be the one to surrender but what can i do? i can't fight forever outnumbered by two and there's so many more grown so tired so weary inside and everything i'd fought for just seems so empty now and what good is winning when it just starts another war? defeated not because "they're" better or smarter or stronger only because there are generations of "them" and only one of me "they'll" be here long after i am gone delusions erased no more hollow goals to reach meanings misplaced like the trust i once had so many helping hands when they weren't needed but now that i could sorely use an army i'm met with stares of indifference "they" stand across the field of battle psychological guns aimed at my face but i won't return fire anymore step out arms out inviting "their" bullets embracing the end but "they" never fire because "they" don't want to kill me "they" only want to hurt me disgusted at the failure of my enemies i do the only thing i was ever expected to do reaching deep inside myself grabbing my heart with both hands all my "friends" look on feigning a look of worry (if only i could make them feel...) sinking my fingers into my bleeding heart tearing it to pieces to match my war-torn mind fall to my knees then my face hits the ground feeling as cold and empty as everything i once cared for (there is no way to win there never is everything you fight for will abandon you in the end there is only one way out accept defeat and let go of it all) [comments] => 3 [counter] => 207 [topic] => 36 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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