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Array
(
[sid] => 36771
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => surviving the pain
[time] => 2004-02-29 11:28:52
[hometext] => LIFE IS FULL OF AS MANY PAINS AS IT IHAS JOYS....AND WE HAVE BUT TO FIND A WAY TO ACCEPT THEM AND MAKE PEACE WITH THEM AND LEARN FROM THEM..AND KEEP LIVING THROUGH THEM
[bodytext] => you were a prince charming and i had the biggest crush, but being the young virgin i was i wasnt in a rush. for all the adult things you seemed ready to do, all the experiences that you were use to. but never not even in my nightmares could i see, that you would be the one who would violently hurt me. i was in shock thinking could this be happeing whats going on, someone was holding me down, someone way to strong. but much to my disgust it was you, taking what you thought was your due. pain ripping through me like nothing i ever felt in my life, felt like i was being cut with a knife. my pleas oh no, stop, dont do this to me fell, on deaf ears i was being raped one of my worst fears, someone i know! how could it be, why is God letting this happen to me, to scared and too ashamed to tell another soul, about he violent way my innocence was stole. soaking in hot water trying to wash it away, but he unbearable pain, seemed here to stay. i was humiliated and shame about what he had done, that night would be a secret and i told no one. but i couldnt get it out of my head it haunted me so. i played it over and over cos i wanted to know did i lead him on in any kind of way, did i hint about sex in unknowingly way becos of it i cant bring myself to lay and cuddle in a mans arms, i just let my body give way to his charms. i try so hard to relax and push it away, but the reality is i cant for get about that day, and as hard as i try the image will never go away. i forfited love, to help me through the pain, but a unfeeling heart is all i gained why did it have to be this way, i will never unerstand that trial was one i wish wasnt planned. becos its not for us to understand but to accept it, and learn and grow, and i pray i never have to go through that anymo but im here i survived and im glad to be, he took my innonce not my sanity. im stronger and wiser and more cautious i must say, but im not letting my life be consumed by that day. im ready to open my heart to give and recieve love, and i know its becos of God above. i wouldnt change one thing about my life, i have no regrets not one, life is about moving forward you cant undo whats already done. and with that in mind i can say, im starting out fresh with a brand new day [comments] => 3 [counter] => 329 [topic] => 48 [informant] => desire [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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