|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Addicted to the lies.
Contributed by
EternitysLyre
on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 09:06:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Why is the sky blue, mother? asked innocent blue eyes
Why, because its very happy and its flying very high.
So just because its high its blue? The curious child pressed
Just because it flies thats true. A frivolous address
But that was more than fit his need, he gave the truth not slightest heed
And drank the words for all their worth
The way the wind was freed
A pair of eyes so brightly blue, an azure purest through and through
Since all was blue and blue was mirth
Hed always loved the birds-eye view
But colors follow rainbow flow, and end in colors no one knows
A singsong lilt, and lullaby, when hopes and dreams solidify
In dazzled depths the sands call from below
And shining sun the days wont ever slow
Rocking horse gave way to chairs, and legos fade to books
Afternoons distilled to words, but pleasure in the nooks
The magic trailed but cinders left no trace
And windows brought to him his last solace
Mother, can I go away, and live my life another way?
You cannot leave, for you shall die, and suicides fates go awry
Yet none of this would slow him still, no scalding scorn nor glaring chills
He longed to sail the memries firth
And wake to hear the songbirds shrill
Belief held fast like vindication, and bore no known elaboration
He took the lies so dire and dearth
And threw them out in preparation
What do you mean, like those who fell?
Suicides all go to hell.
He knew he wasnt made to last for long; they all said life was too soon gone
And all were sure, theyd seen it true, there was no cure, no misconstrue
A gaze from high above confirmed that there was nothing else to see
A word from down below affirmed that there was nothing else to be
Six foot small, still standing tall, and seven stories high
A world above, among the doves, and miles from the sky:
Mother, I dont want to learn, these teachers make my stomach churn.
Do your work and shut your mouth, youll never changeand dont you pout
A faintest smile and sullied eyes, the blue all left behind
The strait was not too tall to cross, the boat within his mind.
The leap a small one, a step ahead,
A world down, beside the ground,
A battered soul struck
The air rushed by him, he felt no chill
His mother frowned, his sail was filled
The graying eyes gave way to blue
He smiled, he sang, he laughed
He flew
He took the lies so dire and dearth
And drank the words for all their worth
Since all was blue and blue was mirth
He longed to sail the memries firth
He saw the concrete coming, he smiled at the end
Suicides will go to hell His mother warned again
But that was more than fit his need, he gave the truth not slightest heed
He joined the sky along the path the way the wind was freed
A pair of eyes so brightly blue, an azure purest through and through
He swore hed heard a songbird shrill
Hed always loved the birds-eye view
Copyright ©
EternitysLyre
... [
2004-03-01 09:06:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 09:22:28 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
"The magic trailed but cinders left no trace
And windows brought to him his last solace"
How well you write - I was hooked straight away upon your line. A tragedy made to sound beautiful. Thanks for creating it.
|
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 09:35:05 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Nothing short of majestic, and otherworldly would more accurately describe the depth and perfection of this piece.
Your attention to rhyme and meter (and detail in general) is a true testament to your talent. Also, this is BY FAR the best suicide poem i've ever read. Such a totally unique perspective...your best since "The Nameless."
Truly,
-V.S. |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 10:14:43 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Outstanding work EL....... impresssive ;o)
Very well done
Larry |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 05:09:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This brought tears to my eyes. You have written an outstanding poem with this one. Kie |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by twinkletoes on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 07:03:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I have always enjoyed your work el. I cannot agree with vs in this case though. I love the story line, the sentiments the plot i suppose, but your stanzas are not of an equal length, your rhyme pattern is hard to follow. It makes for a hard read, but like I said very enjoyable. Humbly,
Twinkletoes! |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by twinkletoes on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 08:15:51 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
" your rhyme pattern is hard to follow. It makes for a hard read"
I didn't say it wasn't there, what I said is above. You have said you deliberatly did it like that so, end of story, I am happy with that.
Also, I like your poetry in general, for your age it is streets above others in your bracket.
Twinkletoes! |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 05:43:20 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| An intense riveting piece of work ... the depth of your poetry is amazing ... Jan |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by kalika_vidya on
Thursday, 4th March 2004 @ 05:42:13 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Breath taking..it is quite amazing work..you have wonderful talent..K |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Demetrius_F_P_Stuwart on
Monday, 8th March 2004 @ 10:05:06 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A magnificent and soaring yet plaintive poetic sculpture of pen and paper.
While I immensely appreciate your kind words of laudatory comment on my works, I envy the breadth of your audience response. I fear my meager efforts are lost on the vast majority. Congratulations--you surpass me! |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by BrokenHeartedLass on
Sunday, 14th March 2004 @ 02:52:18 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Such talent. I love this piece. It is beautifully tragic. |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Tuesday, 18th May 2004 @ 10:05:31 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Wow this is amazing! Wonderfully done! |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 09:43:26 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I thought this was an incredible piece when Nora pointed it out to me JJ.
I still think it is one.
No words in a comment would do it much justice though.
|
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 06:32:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I'm not sure if this was the very first poem I read (and commented upon) of yours, but I do think it is certainly one of your best.
I comment again out of respect for what is a sincerely impressive work of inspiration, having now read it over on a number of occassions.
"A singsong lilt, and lullaby, when hopes and dreams solidify"
I perceive it as a such; 50/5. |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 11:40:52 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I am so glad that Nora pointed this piece out in a forum... for I would have missed much never to have read it. This strikes me in a way that I probably cannot explain. There is a poem - a simple but dramatic piece - that I found in high school and has held on to since. It runs exactly parallel to this... but following a path of different style and voice. I am, though, still struck by how incredible the two are... separately and together. This is masterfully craftedly - but - even more impressive is the heart and soul that's stuffed into it. I am more moved by it than I can possibly tell you.
The air rushed by him, he felt no chill
His mother frowned, his sail was filled
The graying eyes gave way to blue
He smiled, he sang, he laughed
�He flew�
Amazing. I am off to PM you the poem that I speak of.... I'm guessing it will touch you in the very same way this did me.
Thanks so much for sharing this-
SNM |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 4th November 2004 @ 05:01:07 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Intense and powerful. The theme of blue is truly poetic. Not much more I can say - it's just one of that sort of poems.
Andrew |
|
|
Re: Addicted to the lies.
(User Rating: 1 )
by ilovelillbj on
Thursday, 6th April 2006 @ 11:49:17 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
ah, the lengths we go to trying to regain youth's innocence.. if only we could...
'tragedy made to sound beautiful' really sums this up perfectly.. great write
x Sarah x |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Site Help
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
