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Array
(
[sid] => 37109
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Birds of Prey
[time] => 2004-03-02 20:31:00
[hometext] => No idea where this came from, probably the most obscure metaphor i've ever used.
[bodytext] =>
Pernicious talons, feathered wings
Concentric circles, stalking rings
With tumult a call, hunter sings
Through gale they shear, exalted beings
'Twixt heaven bright and sky of blue
From soaring joy to spiralled rue
Through clouds of bleak and tears of dew
O'er rainbows arc predators flew
Eclipsing mountains so far away
In concordant flight, hunter's foray
In endless pursuit of fleeting prey
Stone hewn claws slice with perdition
'Pon the spark, the apparition
Charcoal eyes, no guilt admission
Twins that carry the attrition
Seraph and demon, dove and crow
As Artemis and Apollo
Intentions mimed, the bloodlust grows
A spectral prize thrashed to and fro
The embodiment of night and day
They glide pristine, breathtaking display
Enduring search for flickering prey
In mirrored flight shadows now crawl
Across the spectrum, both appall
Days gone by give way to nightfall
Discordant song heard through it all
From clouds of past predators came
As opposites one and the same
Familiar sight, eyes aflame
Gaze what one can never reclaim
And thus they dive, the pain won't allay
Feathers and aero bring a replay
For dove and crow I am echoed prey
[comments] => 10
[counter] => 322
[topic] => 48
[informant] => Vitreous_Soul
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 16
[ratings] => 4
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => EmotionalPoetry
)
Birds of Prey
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 08:31:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Pernicious talons, feathered wings
Concentric circles, stalking rings
With tumult a call, hunter sings
Through gale they shear, exalted beings
'Twixt heaven bright and sky of blue
From soaring joy to spiralled rue
Through clouds of bleak and tears of dew
O'er rainbows arc predators flew
Eclipsing mountains so far away
In concordant flight, hunter's foray
In endless pursuit of fleeting prey
Stone hewn claws slice with perdition
'Pon the spark, the apparition
Charcoal eyes, no guilt admission
Twins that carry the attrition
Seraph and demon, dove and crow
As Artemis and Apollo
Intentions mimed, the bloodlust grows
A spectral prize thrashed to and fro
The embodiment of night and day
They glide pristine, breathtaking display
Enduring search for flickering prey
In mirrored flight shadows now crawl
Across the spectrum, both appall
Days gone by give way to nightfall
Discordant song heard through it all
From clouds of past predators came
As opposites one and the same
Familiar sight, eyes aflame
Gaze what one can never reclaim
And thus they dive, the pain won't allay
Feathers and aero bring a replay
For dove and crow I am echoed prey
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-03-02 20:31:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 09:46:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
*grins*
ok. I reckon I've learned more about rhyme and meter from this than I have studying 'Lyre's notes for a half a day!
Riveting stuff . . . and how! |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 12:26:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
You raise the bar every time you pick up your pen. Outstanding poetry my friend.
Very well done :o)
Larry |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 10:07:05 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I am so glad to see a new post by you! Now I know nothing about rhyme and meter but I love the way you write and I am one of your biggest fans! You are so talented and it is a blessing just to read your poetry. Kie |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 02:30:14 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
It doesn't seem so obscure of a metaphor to me... but then, what is? Once again, you've blown me away with a magnificent piece of poetry. I can't begin to say how much my eyes hurt from my leaning forward and staring too hard at the screen.
Keep writing or have your eyes fall out,
-Eve. |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 05:44:24 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Another incredibly talented write ... I enjoyed the interesting change in number of lines too - this poem held me riveted from start to finish ... Jan |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 07:57:50 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow.... this poem was unimaginably amazing, the use of the metaphor of birds as memories was a brilliant and original idea and you executed it with perfect wordsmanship and poetic astonishment, this really left me open mouhed and wide eyed at the monitor, it honestly did lol
Another masterpiece dan, im scared of what your going to post next because your bashing my writes into the ground like a giant poetic hammer onto a tiny peanut lol
Luke |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Saturday, 27th March 2004 @ 02:43:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| and just when I thought it couldnt get any better... you knock me on my butt. look at you, so much talent, so much emotion, so much intelligence...it all screams volumes about the kind of person you are. :) great write. no comment alive could do this justice. |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by twinkletoes on
Wednesday, 14th April 2004 @ 06:20:48 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
A very clever meter, rythem pattern that keeps you wanting to read on...do you actually say this piece aloud I feel it would be a very strong spoken poem to an audience. The 3 line stanzas would mix it well for a live read.
tt |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Wednesday, 2nd June 2004 @ 04:46:54 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This is a very good write and reads kind of like a song would. You do with poetry what a musician does with music. |
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Re: Birds of Prey
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Saturday, 5th June 2004 @ 06:47:29 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You've got a way of weaving this resonating voice throughout your poems without the reader feeling like it's the author speaking... talent. My respect for you and awe of you is growing in leaps and bounds. |
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