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Array
(
[sid] => 38079
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => but i don't want to
[time] => 2004-03-10 04:30:20
[hometext] => written about insecurities, and the need to please ppl and the world, and at any cost
[bodytext] => don't want to get out of bed don't want to see the new day don't want to see my face in the mirror don't want to eat one crumb don't want to feel anything don't want to be here don't want to be who i am cause everyday is a new day that i fall fall far from anything everything i wish i could i want to be every crumb makes me think am i goin' to get fat will i become ugly will anyone love me if i do every reflection stares the invisible insecurites of the quoted beautiful sometimes almost perfect body i don't see anything perfect about it so how can you don't want to hear i'm cute i'm gorgeous i'm perfect and on and on don't want the words in my head they just push me farther and farther down a dark windin' path of depression pukin' and starvation makes the appearence only that much more important i think i know i do this all for you for everyone for every man and the world i want to be beautiful i want you to love me i want you to want me so i'll starve myself binge and purge paint my face up anything to be what you want but i don't want to - ........................... can't love myself anymore [comments] => 3 [counter] => 214 [topic] => 21 [informant] => ml03 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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