|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Array
(
[sid] => 45703
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Love Sick
[time] => 2004-05-01 08:13:43
[hometext] => i wrote this for a friend to put on her bridal shower favors... cuz im the maid of honor ... let me know what you guys think cuz I dont want to attach a poem that isnt any good for a bunch of people to read. :) thnx
[bodytext] => There's something in the air today
for what I can't explain
I feel a little sick inside
my stomach you could say
The world seems so much fuller
The grass a different green
The sky is getting bluer
Is it only happening to me?
I want to frollick freely
There's a little girl inside
She sings me happy melodies of birds and butterflies
I don't know what is wrong with me
perhaps I caught the flu
I just started feeling sick inside
right after meeting you!
[comments] => 9
[counter] => 183
[topic] => 2
[informant] => JennyFruFru
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 29
[ratings] => 7
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => LovePoetry
)
Love Sick
Contributed by
JennyFruFru
on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:13:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
There's something in the air today
for what I can't explain
I feel a little sick inside
my stomach you could say
The world seems so much fuller
The grass a different green
The sky is getting bluer
Is it only happening to me?
I want to frollick freely
There's a little girl inside
She sings me happy melodies of birds and butterflies
I don't know what is wrong with me
perhaps I caught the flu
I just started feeling sick inside
right after meeting you!
Copyright ©
JennyFruFru
... [
2004-05-01 08:13:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by reprobate on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:23:16 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
It's a great write but I'm not so sure that I'd put it on something for the wedding day. It might be mistaken for being inappropiate. The last two lines...
I understand what you're trying to say but do you think the general public will take it in the soirit it was written? I do not know the guests, I'm basing this on generalities. Nothing more.
Keep up the good work! |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:23:52 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
oh jenny this was wonderful.
perfect rhyme.
so beautifully done.
i loved this.
Arden |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by loveisendless on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 11:00:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
FIRST 3 VERSES WERE GREAT! THE 4th IS A BIT GRAPHIC IN A NEGATIVE WAY!! MAYBE SAYING IN THE END THAT HER STOMACH IN IN KNOTS FOR THE REASON THAT SHE LOVES HIM ALOT!!! I LOVE YOUR POEMS JENNY,THAT LAST PART IS A LITTLE OFF FOR THAT OCCASSION!!!! I MEAN NOTHING BAD TO YOU OR YOUR POEMS BY ANY MEANS...OK?!!!!
LOL-DAN!!!!!! |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 12:07:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
The last verse is not at all compliant with the general run of the poem. I certainly would not read it at a wedding it could be misconstrued.
The first three verses are excellent I would consider rewriting the fourth verse end it happily it is after all a wedding.
bernard. |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 12:43:53 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
There's something in the air today
just what I can't explain
I feel a little funny inside
my tummy's gone array,
I want to frollick freely
There's a little girl inside
She sings me happy melodies
of birds and butterflies,
The world seems so much fuller
The grass a different green
The sky is getting bluer
Is it only happening to me?
I don't know what is wrong with me
perhaps I caught the flu?
I just started feeling funny inside
right after falling in love with you,
I wonder are you feeling
All theses flutterbees too,
Because all i know my darling
is the world's so sweet with you!
(then put their names on the bottom together in a heart, hugs n' love nessa x)
|
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:51:37 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Jenny, unless you are absolutely positive it will be taken in the jesting manner you obviously meant, I think I would refer to Ladyfawn's piece for guidance. Weddings should be nothing but joy, not jest. Hope I didn't upset you.
Love n hugs,
Rita |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by JennyFruFru on
Monday, 3rd May 2004 @ 10:42:49 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| hey guys thnx for your comments... i wasnt reading it at a wedding.... it was for a bridal shower just to be tied on with the favors.... im not at all offended thats why i asked you guys... thnx a bunch :) :) :) |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 4th May 2004 @ 12:52:19 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Appropriate or inapropriate? whether it is or not it's still a very good poem.
wildejohnny. |
|
|
Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by SweetRhythm on
Thursday, 29th July 2004 @ 08:21:29 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Again a nice little piece of work. Very well writen, it's clear you have been blessed with great talent & im glad you are sharing it with all of us. That was a lovely sweet write.
Corinna |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
