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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 09-June 22:38:48 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 47034
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Dear Dad
[time] => 2004-05-11 06:48:19
[hometext] => I dont know if this can be considered a poem.........but whatever
[bodytext] => Dear Dad, This letter I write you….. knowing fully well that you will discard it as if it were an annoying piece of trash. That you will block your mind to anything and everything I write. That you will pretend that none of this is true and that nothing I say bears any importance. You will conclude that I am one hundred percent wrong and that you are right. About everything. As it has always been and always will be. Being well aware of all this, I continue to write. Maybe to give myself closure. Maybe to give myself the peace to know that I have told you everything there is to know, even though it probably doesn’t matter to you. I realize that I am being negative, but that is the only way I can be emotionally detached from you as you obviously are from me. The negatives and putdowns are the only things that resonate in my mind. Of course I remember the positives. But unfortunately for you the negatives far outweigh the positives. Remembering the times when you would belittle me for listening to alternative music. “Why do you listen to that music? Why don’t you listen to ‘black’ music?” you would ask. Thinking that I hated my own race because I wanted to die my hair or because I wasn’t attracted to black girls or because I dressed like a “white” boy. You do not even realize how many times you brought that up and how many times I cursed you under my breath. If you only knew. I could never be myself around you. Shouldn’t that be good enough? I guess not. Remembering when you would discourage me for trying to attain my ultimate goal. Being a professional in performing arts. “It’s not a realistic goal”, you would say. “You should do something else. It most likely wont happen.” You can’t even imagine how many times you have told me that. How many times I rethought my goals. How many times I cursed you under my breath. I tried to please you. Make you proud of me. Maybe that’s why I’m here. At this university. Doing the opposite of my goal. Now I realize that I can never and didn’t ever please you. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t up to snuff. You rarely supported me with anything I did or wanted to do. You would always find something negative to say about my interests. So I gave up. Making sure I didn’t kill myself by trying to fit my life to fit your standards. The perfect standards that you set for me. Your abnormal skewed ideals of perfection that I could never live up to. That no one could ever live up to. I could’ve died trying and you wouldn’t have blinked. There was nothing I could do. Remembering the times when you never believed me or trusted me. I was the youngest so it must have been me, right? I would give you the “God Honest Truth”. What you asked for. But it wasn’t good enough. You wanted to hear your truth, which would’ve made me a liar. You wanted to hear only what you wanted to hear, which is nothing I ever said. You were always right and I was always wrong. I was a liar and not to be trusted. Remembering the time when you came to my play. “You did a good job”, you said. OUTWEIGHD. ALL OUTWEIGHD I don’t think you ever really wanted me. I was just there to fill empty space and awkward silences. My life’s ambition was to make you proud of me. Maybe if I do this or do that, then he’ll be proud, I used to think. I couldn’t and cant do that anymore. I can no longer tear myself down to build you up. I am through being your scapegoat. I was the only one ever home. You had to take your anger out on someone. Unfortunately for me, I was that someone. Lucky me. Lucky you. You would yell at me for the smallest most insignificant things. Such as a dirty dishes that I didn’t clean right, a leaf in the pool after I skimmed it, a missing controller when I hadn’t been watching T.V. You can’t begin to fathom how many times you did this and how many times I cursed you under my breath. Now you wont even bother with me. “I don’t ever want to see you or talk to you. You’re a disgrace and an embarrassment to the “Almond” name.” Your exact words. Who’s the real disgrace? Who’s the real embarrassment? You tried to give me hugs when I was seventeen. It was too late for that. Way too late. The only reason for that and the “I love you’s” was because mom had to put you up to it. How pathetic. You said and you still say you love me. I’m calling your bluff. You never did and you never will. The recent happenings just gave you an excuse to get rid of me. This was your chance to get me out of your life. And you took it. You took it like a giddy little schoolgirl. Congratulations father. You’ve got what you wanted. “Love”. Just a word. It means nothing coming from you. Your former dedicated son, Eric NOname [comments] => 6 [counter] => 258 [topic] => 48 [informant] => bluoreo [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 80 [ratings] => 16 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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